Living on the Prayer

Remember that Bon Jovi song...Woeeeeee, Living on a prayer? Yeah thats me this week. On my way home from work Wednesday, I fell asleep at the wheel and got into an accident. I am fine, Praise Yahweh! But my cars front end is jacked. A large boulder saved my life, literally, because i was 2 in away from being in a ditch. For real! Yahweh was truly with me because then a tow truck rolled up and offered to tow my car home for free! I am physically fine, but extra pissed about the car. I don't live in the land of public transportation opportunity any more, so things are sucking right now. I have been stranded in the house since then and that just aint like me.

Today I cried for no one particular reason, but it felt so damn wonderful. I needed to because i feel so out of wack right now. I have not been able to enjoy this pregnancy like I did with my other child. I am learning that every pregnancy IS very different from the next. I love my baby and thank Yahweh everyday for its health, but my life is suffocating me. I am such a driven woman and thats what frustrates me. I often put too much on myself, and lets face it...I'm not getting any younger and I just can't swing things like I used to do. I have a time frame, but Yahweh has one too.

1) I want to start and finish my nursing piece with in the next 2years, but I am not sure of the best decision with the baby now. I know school will always be there and I want to give this baby the same love and attention I was blessed to provide my other child.

2) If I could quit my job today I WOULD. But i have to think smart ALL THE TIME. For once, I would love to just be spontaneous, but I have a family now, its not just me. I cant live life selfishly at this point because their lives are in my hands.

3) I know that I want to finish school to have more leverage in moving back home. Life here is alright, but "there's no place like home" to quote Dorothy from THE WIZ! LOL

4) I want to have this baby worry free and peacefully. (Hey that rhymed! lol) I am bogged with the idea that I am in foreign lands where people are much less forgiving when it comes to breech births.

I am better now, I just need to re-evaluate the plan and see what is most important to me right now. Right now it isnt school. I need a mental break. Thankfully, this is my last semester until I determine my RN start date, Summer or Fall prayerfully. That will take one worry off my hands. Then, focus on finding another job. I would love to create my on business, but then there is no steady income for a while. I will get there one day though. Alright, on to studying now.