Puzzled

Have you ever had a recurring dream, same theme? What does that mean? I know dreams are dreams, but I believe they have some very strong meaning. I just wish I had the understanding to figure this puzzle out.  There is a strong desire within. Any dream interpreters out there?

Dreams

In light of my new edition coming soon (Im 34 weeks now), I seem to be having very vivid and strange dreams.  I have worked tirelessly to declutter my house and Im proud to say Im almost done :)  Last setting up my room and getting my file drawer right.  At this point with the dreams Im going to take a friends advice and sage the place.  Well maybe myrrh bc thats what i have on hand I think and say a prayer for new energy.  I can feel the nesting starting to settle in as reality sinks in that I will soon be a new mother again of baby #4, my first son, maybe my last child, and more hard work.  WOW what a blessing.

Around the Corner

So I'm on a new journey. With all the changes happening in my life right now which are apparently Yahweh's will, I am pushing myself to step out of my "box". Yep my box! If I haven't said it before, I am a go by the rule book, investigate every possibility, there is only one way type of woman. Always have been, but as a girlfriend/midwife of mine pointed out to me one day "birth just aint that way, so you gone have to change that". So I am taking a slow leap towards something special and every time I think of letting it go, I remember those words. OH, and a few others:

There is nothing to fear, but fear itself

You are your own worst critic

We often succeed our way up by our failures

You never know until you've tried

We fall down, but we get up

Stay tuned and pray for me lol!

Mind of Matter

Last night I had the weirdest dream, but it was so surreal at the same time. It felt so real that my subconscious didn't jump in to tell me while sleeping, "hey you already got past this." So what does it mean? why am I dreaming this? Here is the dream in a nutshell, so lets dissect.

In the dream I had already passed my final block of nursing school. I was
now at the application and NCLEX taking stage. I sent in my HUGE licensing
fees WITH A CHECK. One day while chilling with my mom at church :/ I see 3
of my former instructors enter the room with very disturbed and saddened looks on
their faces. Immediately I knew something was wrong. They pulled me
aside and said, "State says you cannot test/license because you are not allowed
to write a check from the same account" I was so puzzled by this, in shock
even! "What do you mean? What do they expect me to do? So now
what?" I began to cry immediately in disbelief and wonder. Why in the
world was this happening to me. The one African American instructor that I
had was pissed and doing everything she could to change the matter. In the
meantime, I went back to church :\ asking folks for direction on what to
do. I went back to my instructor and said surely there has to be a way?! I
will rebel against the system because this is bull---! Then I woke up when
I realized it really was just a dream because I already got my licensing
documents in hand and passed NCLEX.

For all you dream interpreters out there, what do you think this means?

Perfectly Said

I am beautiful, powerful, capable because it has already been written...so why are you holding back?

Hundred Racks

Right now I wish I was sitting on this right now. When it rains it pours, right? My worst nightmare while in school has come to fruition - hubby lost his job! At this point we need money like never before. With this test comes struggle, but also strength and unity. To be honest, Im not in much of an optimistic mood so all of the "glass if half full" bit is just a psyche booster at this point and it doesnt make you feel better to have an empty fridge or no lights. So, IF I was "sittin on a hundred racks" like the picture here is what I would do with it in this time and place:





1. Get rid of all my debt: school loans, past due bills, IOU's, credit card, car note


2. Fill up the fridge and pantry with foody goodness


3. Purchase a 5bd/3ba house in Tempe on the "lake" with a massive Jacuzzi tub, decked out backyard, on a culd-de-sac

4. Retire my mom because she is the best gratti in the world

5. Vacation with hubby to Bahia, Brazil for a month in December

6. Vacation with family in St. Lucias next summer

7. Create a full paid scholarship for African American women pursuing careers in Nursing or Midwifery

There is more Im sure, but thats a good start. Hey, a girl is allowed to dream right?

Four Corners Undone

Yesterday I realized that I am someone that lives and breathes in a box. You know, the four corners of life. That which unspokenly tells you the rules: how to eat, what to watch, where you can go, how to work in life, everything! I was reading my friends blog, who happens to be a midwife too, and got so inspired. She traveled over 20hrs with her 2yrs old via plane to another country JUST to deliver a baby! She is exposing her baby to another culture and world ALL while doing what she was called to do. Amazing! That is the kind of life I want as well, but how does she do it married and all?

Seeing her do her thang gave me inspiration to think outside the box inorder to reach my goals and aspirations. Thinking outside the box unleashes your creative side. As I slowly break down the four walls of imprisonment, I say the things that I want and shall do one day soon in my life:

1. Become a travel nurse/midwife internationally (Senegal, Ethiopia/Eritrea, Brazil, India, Cuba)
2. I have always dreamt of being midwife to the stars! (that would put midwives on the map now wouldnt it)
3. Purchase an old Victorian home and completely gut it out and remodel: HUGE dark chocolate brown jacuzzi tub, seperate dual head shower, a gorgeous kitchen with an island, chefs stovetop, a place for recycling, and a basement so I can create my get away room like Cliff did for Claire on The Cosby Show. I know that sounds material, but a home is where your heart is.
3. Send my middle child to a Performing Arts school
4. Work 2-3days a week to be a real full time mom to my children and let me husband experience reaching his dream for 2yrs like he is doing for me

I know these are not "wow factor" ideas but its a start for someone who always plays by the rules.