Owed to Self

With ever lab practicum comes more fear, anxiety, and nervousness about the job ahead of me as a nurse. In less than 5months, peoples lives are going to be in my hands literally. And unfortunately, due to the medical hierarchy, a nurse will be held accountable before a doctor when there is error and that is scary in itself. With that said, am I up for the challenge? Not only do I owe it to my future patients, I owe it to myself to do what it takes to feel prepared and competent for the job. In reality, that is much easier said than done when you have 3 young ones and a husband at home. But nobody is really gonna give a shit when you have a patient screaming they cant breathe or going into shock my clock and I don't know what to do right? So slacking and making excuses is not an option. I have 2 more days till my Block 3 final and I want it over more than ANYTHING! But I have also vowed to myself to review at least 2hrs/day while on my 2wk break to better prepare myself for Block 4: psych & critical care YIKES & YUCK! But I have to be on my toes and I dont want to be embarrassed period! This will make me a better nurse over all, especially since I dont know what area I will work in thanks to this horrible economy.

Feeling is Mutual

Why can't the world just stop sometimes? Or us for that matter? Being in nursing school with children and a husband does NOT come without consequences and challenges. Lately I have been faced with a changing attitude of my 8yr old - almost like the preteen stage without the hormones. Of course as a parent I have high standards about the amount of respect I demand in my home, but my husband brought reality to my eyes. She cannot fully comprehend what is going on or the demands I have on me. All she knows is that there is less of me for her right now. My heart feels broken and torn because there is only one of me, but everyone wants to slice me into 6 pieces. As important as my nursing/midwifery career is to me, NOTHING will ever take precedence over my children's peace and joy. I want my children to be confident and love themselves and I have to be that first example.

Walking into my house these days feels like a black cloud. Not because I am miserable, but rather because my daily existence seems to be just that. I go to school/clinical, come home, and that's it! There is so much more out there that I want to do, but this damn heat is freakin unbearable. Whats the result? cranky board children and parents which = going at each other. Honestly, I cannot wait until this part of my learning is over so that I can enjoy all the little things that bring me joy: crocheting, cooking, dancing, listening to music while have lunch in the grass, taking walks, reading a book other than nursingese, watching a movie with my hubby with a glass of wine.