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Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts

August 16, 2011

34

Birthdays just seem to come and go as I get older.  As much as I try to be spontaneous with it, it NEVER pans out.  I was blessed to turn 34 two days ago and while a bun in the oven ready to bust and lack of dinero prevented some of my more adventurous plans, I still managed to have a great day.  The goal: focus on me only.  I think I did pretty well!  While I completely take after my mother in not being able to sit down most times, my body TOLD me not to get up until about noon LOL.  I listened this time although guilt lingered in the background.  Baby steps right?  I then had a pedicure with G1, then had Indian food for dinner with all my girls and my mom.  I came home belly full to find my hubby bought me a gorgeous massage chair!!  OK I KNOW for a fact he secretly bought it for himself because he has wanted one for years which I just remembered AND he is tired of hearing me say I bad I need my back, legs, and feet rubbed only to be ignored lol.

However, this post is not about the celebration, but more so about the mind processing I have been going through.  As I continue to read "Sacred Pampering Principles" I constantly ask myself, what will bring me peace and contentment on a daily basis.  Trying to stay a minimalist is the biggest challenge.  At 34 I feel extremely young and the number doesn't seem to fit, but in the back of my mind all I keep saying is "40 is right around the corner" lol.  One thing I know for sure is I REFUSE to just let life pass me by, that just aint me.  I think Yahweh has me on cruise control right now as I mass produce babies lol, but this appears to be our last go round.  I feel like I will take off like a jet setter in due time.  I just want to make each day count and im not sure I can do that in my current place in life.  So I ask for guidance, direction, and purpose while giving thanks for my soulmate, children, and health.

May 29, 2010

On pause...

Wooo sahhhh!! I feel like a quiet gentle storm has been hovering over me for quiet some time now and its throwing off my balance, chi, axe, feng shui, all dat. I'm finding myself making commitments I can't keep, being inconsistent, and down right lazy. For months my focus has been on finding a nursing job in the hospital so I can become more confident in my abilities as a nurse. With one last hope in the basket, I think I will surrender my flag and move on to the next plan if it does not hatch. I mean I can't for the life of me understand WHY Yahweh has not blessed me with a job yet?! Well I have a part time job teaching pregnant teens about birth and pregnancy, so maybe im over looking the blessing?

Whatever the reasons, its all got me on serious pause. I need to find my way back to serenity, Tranquil T. I am still trying to find out what it will take but on the forefront nothing in the desert seems to be standing out. I dont think I have ever actually put myself on hiatus because its not in my character, but that has darn sure changed. Hibernation, hiding, thats me and it feels damn good. So now I am listening, waiting, feeling for the direction so that I can exhale again.

February 28, 2010

When Boredom Knocks

My wake up song because it literally says it all...


India Arie
"Private Party"

[Chorus]
I'm having a private party
Ain't no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin' baby look how far we've come here
I'm havin' a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I've become, yeah

I tried to call my mother, but
She didn't get where I was going
I called my boyfriend and he said
Call me back a little later baby
I hung up the phone, I felt so alone
Started to feel a little pity
That's when I realized that I
Gotta find the joy inside of me

[Chorus]

I'm gonna take off all my clothes
Look at myself in the mirror
We're gonna have a conversation
We're gonna heal the disconnection
I don't remember when it started
But this is where it's gonna end
My body is beautiful and sacred
And I'm gonna celebrate it

[Chorus]

All my life (all my life)
I've been looking for (I've been looking for)
Somebody else (else)
To make me whole (ooo)
But I had to learn the hard way (ooo)
True love began with me (ooo)
This is not ego or vanity (ooo)
I'm just celebrating me

[Chorus]

Sometimes I'm alone but never lonely
That's what I've come to realize
I've learned to love the quiet moments
The Sunday mornings of life
Where I can reach deep down inside
Or out into the universe
I can laugh until I cry
Or I can cry away the hurt

[Chorus]

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday