ICU Day 3

Real quick...this is what I saw today in a patient with cancer that metastized to the abdomen. A VERY distended belly from side to side that was rock hard with fluid inside. Enjoy :)

There will be days like this

Nobody said nursing school would cause this much caos and disorganization, or did they? Reflecting on my nursing school orientation, I have a slim recollection of a teacher saying that nursing school would not be easy for me or my family. She even made up a song for it sampling Destiny Childs "I'm a survivor". With all this said, why am I really starting to feel the pain. Last block was primarily focused on juggling school and pregnancy - thats it, thats all I could wrap my brain around.

However, this block has surfaced a brand new demon. Now I am learning to juggle school, husband, 2 growing daughters, a newborn daughter, AND pumping on a regular to make sure she has enough milk for my 12hr clinical days. The 12hr clinicals aren't half as bad as i anticipated, in fact they are a breath of fresh air from the 2day 8hrs we had last block. At least I get it over with and have 4 days to study and spend time snuggling with my shnookums ;) Anyone who has known me forever knows just how organized and neat I am. Well damn! You sure cant tell this semester. I still have yet to organize my binder/notes, let alone my humble abode. With the new edition to the family, this place is simply too damn small for a family of 5 which can be seen every time we clean it and it returns to mayhem within a day. Is it too much to ask for a clean, yin/yang, feng shui home when you finish your day?! It makes me sick to the core, but its out of hand now and I dont know where to begin.

Although I am bombarded with information, this block presents very informative information on all the body system disorders. But I cannot WAIT for the day that i can focus on what I love...birthing, pregnancy, infants, etc. If I can get through this semester, it will be on and crackin! Nursing aint easy in the academia of it all, but caring for someone is, NOTE TO SELF!

Lesson in the fear

I am finally free from clinical bondage! It is officially spring break now and it has been a LONG week. I have had clinical 3days this week but it was not as bad as I anticipated. In fact, it has been pretty rewarding. Every moment is a learning experience: dealing with difficult nurses that dont want to teach you, patience without insurance that need major medical care, or doing sim lab only to find out you have SO much to learn and wonder if you will ever be a good nurse. Becoming a nurse is truely an art that takes years of experience to learn and "perfect" if you will. That aside, I realize that I am becoming more confident and courageous everytime I walk into a hospital or patients room. I enjoy caring for people, I enjoy teaching patients and making them feel comfortable in whatever fashion that may be.

So, what will I do on this spring break? While most people paint the town red, I will be spending about 90% of the time studying for my exam on Cancer, Respiratory and cardiac disorders which is on the Monday we come back. BUT I will get a small taste of relaxation spending time in San Diego with my bomb husband and children. Its gonna be a blast that I am soooo looking forward too.

Starvation

It 10pm Saturday night and what am I doing? Studying for Exam #2 :( While most normal people are out painting the town red, laughing, smiling, dancing, drinking, and simply enjoying life, I have been cooped up in my tiny condo for the past 3 days studying for this test. I am starving literally! I am malnourished in the areas of communication, love, conversation, social endeavors...simply put - I need to get a life for at least a moment in time! I feel a bit closterphobic, but the only thing that keeps me going is that I didnt do well on the first exam and my life for block 2 depends on all future exam greatness. This is a horrible place to be because it causes stress, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed. I keep asking myself how in the hell did i get here? You know the place in time when you feel like you will never get done, never cover all the information, let alone retain any of it?! yes thats me.

I had to take a small break to gather my thoughts and get me pumped again to get back at the books tonight. Its late, I wanna retire to the bed or watch a good movie. But that simply aint gonna happen. All I can seem to do right now is pray that my cranky be lately infant will sleep throughout the night tonight because I will be needed much rest before my study group practice test in the morning.

Starvation is not good - it leads to malabsorption, disease and death. So you best believe come Monday night I plans to get me some much needed and desired food...first on the list is a good movie and glass of wine :)

Block 2 First 12hr Clinical

Yesterday I made it through my first 12hr clinical shift! It wasnt nearly as bad as I anticipated but the key is to stay busy and ask lots of questions. After lunch though, you start to go down hill. Of course the reality of most nurses is that they dont get a lunch but I hope to be one who changes that. What started off to be a slow and unorganized day, turned into something much more rewarding.

I woke up yesterday with a bit of anxiety, nervousness, and anticipation because I KNEW that something was gonna happen to me as I was still trying to recover from IV practicum nightmare. Sure enough, when doing patient rounds we came across a patient whose present IV was infiltrated and needed a new one. So guess what? I was the first student of the day to have to do an IV. Was I nervous...hell yeah...because I had to prove to myself that I was competent in the skill. I called my instructor to watch and gathered my supplies. I failed on the first attempt however my instructor and the nurse said I did great and that the patient simply had horrible veins. Although I didnt get blood return, the experience was enough to lift my spirits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfQbbCx6xFU

The rest of the day I simply shadowed an excellent RN, asked questions, and did Accuchecks :) Overall i would say I had a great day and am glad that I opted for the one day clinical this semester. Its heaven on earth when we have an exam on Monday covering Fluid & electrolytes, Hematological disorders, Diuretics, Immune disorders, and antibiotics!!

F+

Ok, F+ doesn't really exist I am sure of that. It sounds no better than an F, but thats how horribly I performed on exams this past week. I feel sick to my stomach as days/feelings of UC Berkeley resurface for me. I know that I have not given 100% in studying, but it is REALLY hard more than ever before. My plate is more than full and I have people pulling at me from all angles. I know that I am not the first and I stand on many shoulders. I have turned over a new leaf, sort of...I had my first session of tutoring and it felt really good. I am taking my fate into my own hands at this point. It is do or die! Failing is not an option, nor is taking a pause in my program.

My goal for this week is to do another session of tutoring, try to get classmates to form a study group with me (yet again), and to organize myself. I have to grasp this info because peoples' lives depend on it.