I've been watching and loving Oprah's life lessons show. This week I got my first "aha" moment from the show on validation. An older show with Toni Morrison as guest spoke to my conscience. She expressed how one day she realized she didn't SEE her daughter. Her dauhter came home one day and toni went into mom mode checking her head to toe which in her mind was showing love and concern, until it clicked that her child interpretted it as "mom doesn't love me" because she wasn't paying attention to her story. OMG AHAAAA this was the same relationship I somehow developed with my oldest daughter.
For a while we had been struggling with this awful love hate relationship so to speak and I couldn't understand why. I love my daughter more than the air I breathe but her actions always got under my skin. But in this moment, hearing toni's story, it all made since. For me, it was a reflection of the relationship I had with my mother growing up but somehow I subconsciously kept the cycle going instead of making it different. Now I consciously make an effort to create small amazing moments of validation for her and each of my children because in a family of 4 children they are all fighting for my attention, embrace, and acknowledgement. Its one of the most challenging things as a mother but I'm making the commitment.
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