I haven't blogged much since the birth of my son. A bit overwhelmed my life I guess. Feeling smothered at times but I'm working hard to surpass the challenges. Today I feel the need to express whas on my heart after playing my birth film over and over in my head.
This was birth #4 and the second time with my midwife. Long story short, I'm so sad and disappointed that she missed catching my baby a second time. I keep trying to understand why this happened, what went wrong, who's fault is it, or what's the lesson behind it all. But I still get nothing. I think subconsciously I probably blame her simply because she is my midwife. But there is no way of knowing what will come. I keep beating myself up for not making her stay the first time after my 1st birth with her. I should've known better. Now that my womb has probably come to a close, I will never have the chance again. That almost brings me to tears.
In the end, midwives are people too sent to do the creators work and women are powerful beings sent to bring forth life in their own individual way. I am blessed to push out babies swift, painless, calm, and smoothly. That's it in a nutshell.
No comments:
Post a Comment