Signs from Where

I think I have mentioned this before, but I have this interesting sense about me - whenever someone runs across my mind heavily, it always means I need to contact them because something major has transpired in their life. Well today was no different. My midwife had been on my mind and as I planned to call her, my friend (her client), told me she is moving to Mexico indefinitely in December. While this may not seem so significant to the average person, it symbolizes so many things for me. I totally admire and respect this phenomenal woman. Talking to her inspired me to take some risks in life because I am such a planner. Not the Excel spreadsheet kind, but the i have a five year plan kind ; ) I know that I often over analyze things and run through all the questions, but hey a girls gotta be thorough.

So why in life does all the positive possibilities come at you at once? I mean, can't a girl have her cake and eat it too? I think I am changeaphobic...yeah I made it up, but I know what it means. As much as I dread the desert, I have become complacent in what is now my reality...a little family, a home, and a little consistency. Am I really ready to give that and return to renting a place? Is that really as bad as it sounds? I keep telling myself that it will only be temporary once i start and finish nursing school - yet, only Yahweh knows when that will be. My husband keeps telling me to have faith. I coulda swore I had some, but I must have left it at the door when my ex-boss slammed one in my face. But as I get humbled in my current experience I am trying to grasp on some piece of reality.

I don't want to be selfish as I realized that my husband follows me wherever my heart desires and stops whatever his goals are in that moment. I never realized that because I knew that I was planning for our future and doing it for us. So, I got a good man after all. My hearts desire is to live as a family together in the comfort of our own home again in California - at peace, doing the damn thang. When will that occur Father? Now or later?