Get off the ride

Since new years my life hasn't been the same. But one thing feels real familiar. Five years ago I found myself having the exact same feeling of claustorphobia, disgust, frustration, and wanting to quit. I was pregnant with G2 and working a job that was oober stressful and I simply felt stuck.  My marriage was a mess and I simply was dying inside. I stuck it out to provide for my babies as most of us do. But I couldn't wait to be on maternity leave.
Now here I am today in the same boat, only I went to school for it. But there is something big missing and all I can come up with so far is that my soul is empty, I don't feel the reward, and need to be around birth again. But now the job has scared me into thinking I'm not ready. I know, as I always did, that the hospital scene is not for me. I feel like layers of my soul are being stripped away and replaced with robotic parts that are designed to push the pills.
But I ask, how does one draw the line between responsibility and self harmony? Did I give up that right when I decided to have 4 children? I need a wise elder like never before at this point in life because change must come in order for me to get off this ride.