January 26, 2010 I officially became an RN: passing the NCLEX! As much as I stressed during nursing school for fear of not passing over and over again, I walked away from the exam feeling relieved, confident, and surprising not shook at all. I couldn't explain it all, but it felt damn good. I spend the day with my family: the girls and I put our feet in the jacuzzi in the beautiful sunshine and the hubby and I cuddled later that night (get ya mind out the gutter I mean that literally ;) I have spent the entire week basking in the excitement and the surreality of it all.
Now that nursing school is in my past, I have so much to look forward to in the near future. I have to admit my soul is extremely eager for many reasons. With the earthquake hitting Aiyti I immediately wanted to go there to help all the mommas and babies in need, but I think I let my fear hold me back. Its easy to use your family life as a reason you cant do something. But as I sit and meditate on it I realize that I do this a lot. It lets me put the blame on others instead of facing the reality that sometimes let fear of failure prevent me from being successful and make change.
I am a RN now and of course I only want to working in maternal/child health, but amazingly RN jobs are scarce for new grads ESPECIALLY specialties. Seeing the constant "EXPERIENCED" or "SORRY CANT ACCOMMODATE NEW GRADS RIGHT NOW" is more than frustrating when you have mouths to feed, children needing clothes to stay warm, and bills up the wazoo. I didn't become a nurse for the money, but a job would be very nice right about now. My aunt sent an amazing and simple response to my pessimistic approach to job hunting, "God has not brought u this far to leave you. He has a plan for u that's not based on the economy r your new grad status. you did your part so let Him do His and accept His timing." That knocked me right back into reality and its nothing but the truth! I am blessed to be home with my babies, cooking for them, reading books to them, hearing the stories about their day, watching them smile and laugh, seeing my 1yr old take her first strides in walking...all the things I was unable to do just 2months ago. So now I pray and wait on Yahweh...well at least reminding myself because the control freak in me is chompin at the bit.
Yahweh I am asking for the guidance of all the powerful and amazing women that came before me to help me be the best that I can be as a nurse: Mary Eliza Mahoney, Maya Angelou, Angela Davis, India Arie, my great great grandmother a midwife.
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