Should I Stay or Go?

Since the demise of my "career" I have been on a emotional roller coaster of thoughts, desires, and aspirations. In haste, I was ready to pack my bags and roll out. Although this feeling stays at the forefront of my mind, the reality of doing so pulls me back - way back. The thought of everything I would need to do just makes my head do spins like the exorcist. Moving sucks and as a child I vowed to minimize that experience for my children and myself as much as possible since that was a tradition for me growing up. The fact that my house looks like 10 pack rats live here is proof that I dont really care anymore. But this is part of my suffocation - clutter and ish! With that said I am trying to motivate myself to do at least one room or project per day to get rid of all the crap...move towards a minimalist lifestyle. Most of what i have is junk anyway that I haven't used in the time I have been here.

Ok, back to the message as I digressed. There is no doubt that I want to move back to Cali, but there are a few dynamics to consider. My priority is finishing school as soon as possible for some financial, emotional, and time freedom. I am now 30 and have no time to waist if I ever want to retire, LOL. I am a millisecond away from getting into the program here I think, prayerfully for January start which would be an accelerated 16mon. program. With that I could move anywhere b/c the demand is there. But how much is your spiritual and daily joy worth? Can I suck it up once again and sift throug all the crap that the desert brings? I mean, why in the hell does stuff just make no sense here? Backwards as it is for real. I have more than 5 witnesses on this by the way.

My husband says, "to hell with it...leave...because I can see you're not happy here". While my heart agrees, my conscious says dont be silly...what would be so different for you there at this point in your life? Sadly enough, I dont even know the answer to that except that I would be up outta here and at ease. But is that enough?