Update

Lately I have been super busy and I am praying it will calm once I get a pattern down. My head is racing a million light years with my laundry list of "to do" items. For some reason, it doesn't seem like I am doing much elimination of them either. I have become obsessed with finding care for my children. I have talked to a few people but with much bias I have to admit. My conscious says to me, "how dare you PAY someone else a whole weeks earnings to watch YOUR OWN children!!!" How obsured is that?! It actually feels like a knife piercing through my heart. Many people may think I am being a bit dramatic, but that is the honest truth. I birthed these babies into the world and I want to be the only one to raise them. Is that so wrong? Its not fair that someone else will watch them grow in all their first: first walk, first word, first WHATEVER!! Yeah I am a bit bitter, but it is really bittersweet. I actually enjoy working - well, let me rephrase...I enjoy bringing home some bacon that is. LOL! At this point, I am praying for someone that I can trust or to keep it in the family - MY family.