My Mood, My Memoir

2012-01-22T08:32:00.001-07:00

They say misery loves company and lately I think this was written just for me. I sometimes hate the person I've become. I often sit and remember how I was as a young woman...outgoing, laughing, driven, and at times uninhibited. But over the years I feel I've lost my way and allowed my presence to be choked by lifes obsticles. As women we try to deny the voices in our heads for the sake of others. But at the end of the day, the fault is ours. We have to be the captain of our own ship and not let others hold the stearing wheel. I recognize my misery and must apologize to those who have suffered at the edge of my sword. There is no excuse for my actions...there is no joy in hurting others.

I'm still on the path to getting better and finding true peace. I pray for the courage to jump in and/or off. This year is about learning how to live.

1st of the New Year

2012-01-19T17:21:00.003-07:00

Im bringing what I think may be the first Black woman birth circle to the desert! Im so excited!

Stay Tuned...

2012-01-05T23:56:00.001-07:00

Here is just a peek of what is soon to come...

Bring It!

2012-01-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

Its a new year already! I may have lost my zeal for blogging or feel like my mind/life is a bit to clouded to come with the positive. But with the new year comes new things and new visions. This year I plan to bring the funk...drop my fear of failing and just do the damn thing by any means necessary.

Tonight I am going to create my Vision Board for my life personal and family life this year. I half created one last year and I DID end up having my 1st son :-) Words are powerful and I find myself doing a disservice with my "glass is half empty" mentality at times. I have a family but i am not crippled. I am a go getter, always have been so now is no different. I will share my vision board when its completed. I encourage you all to do the same - not resolutions but daily reminders of what you need to do to get where you want to be and not be complacent in your life.

WIN NOW

2011-12-02T10:55:00.001-07:00

Remove all toxic storage from your house by winning this $100 entry!!

http://gardenofeatingblog.blogspot.com/2011/12/bpa-free-giveaway-100-mightynest-gift.html

Off

2011-12-02T07:57:00.001-07:00

Ever got the feeling the creator is telling you to shut it down? To quiet all the noise in your daily life so you can hear the messages He is giving you? As most of us live extremely busy lives, constantly on the go, multitasking, and rarely coming up for air, perhaps we are handy capping ourselves. Todays goal is to turn off the noise for at least half the day, wait, and listen.

Talents

2011-11-08T08:09:00.001-07:00

Lately I have been feeling a huge void in my life, but Im not sure what it is. Wait! If I listen to my intuition like Oprah said, of course I know where. My passion in life, giving back to the community, living space, and personal relationships. Now I just wonder are the voids due to my own personality flaws or fears? All I know is that I am ready to make my life mean something in the end. I look at Angela Davis, Nelson Mandela, Harriet Tubman, and the connecting link is their passionate desire to make change in a broken system from a small grain of mustard. There was no grand vision of blowin up so to speak, they just wanted to stand for something. Thats the same feeling I have but I am just not sure how I am supposed to do that with the talents I've been givin. There are many in the birthing community devoted to infant mortality, breastfeeding, teen pregnancy prevention, etc. These are all amazingly necessary programs but I want to hit a different need and in a unique way. That can serve my purpose.

Morning Prayer:

Yahweh please make a pathway for me to reach my greatest potential by helping others while using the amazing talents that you have blessed me with. Please help me to use them and not in vain. Hallelu Yahweh, Praise Yahweh!

Do better

2011-11-05T10:15:00.001-07:00

I've been watching and loving Oprah's life lessons show. This week I got my first "aha" moment from the show on validation. An older show with Toni Morrison as guest spoke to my conscience. She expressed how one day she realized she didn't SEE her daughter. Her dauhter came home one day and toni went into mom mode checking her head to toe which in her mind was showing love and concern, until it clicked that her child interpretted it as "mom doesn't love me" because she wasn't paying attention to her story. OMG AHAAAA this was the same relationship I somehow developed with my oldest daughter.

For a while we had been struggling with this awful love hate relationship so to speak and I couldn't understand why. I love my daughter more than the air I breathe but her actions always got under my skin. But in this moment, hearing toni's story, it all made since. For me, it was a reflection of the relationship I had with my mother growing up but somehow I subconsciously kept the cycle going instead of making it different. Now I consciously make an effort to create small amazing moments of validation for her and each of my children because in a family of 4 children they are all fighting for my attention, embrace, and acknowledgement. Its one of the most challenging things as a mother but I'm making the commitment.

Why am I Here?

2011-10-31T00:21:00.001-07:00

Just finished watching my recorded episode of oprah's life class from Friday. I had so many aha moments and fill in the blank questions. Now I'm lying in bed asking Yahweh, what's my purpose? Why did You send me here? When will I know what to do?

I've always invisioned myself doing great things but don't think I'm there yet or even have the slightest idea how to get there. Tonight oprah said "don't focus on what you don't have...start small and just be thankful for your breath." This completely hit home because every day I pray and say thank you for the air I breathe, healthy body, and to have all my senses. Listening to the show I realized how much I complain daily although I've always thought I don't need or ask for much. I complain when I feel things are out of my control and I don't know what the next moment will bring. She helped me see you can't increase joy in your life when you suffocate it with woe is me or I wish I had...

Now as I watch my life play like a movie real this is what I see...

...I remember when I saw my aunt breastfeed as a child and wonder wow women do that? So that's what these are for?
...watching my cousin give birth to her daughter when I was 18 because she knew I wanted to be an obgyn
...finding out I was pregnant with my 1st daughter and deciding in that moment exactly how my birth would be
...deciding to become a doula while pregnant after running into this girl in college
...advocating for myself and fighting against my midwife at 22yo to deliver my baby vaginally breech
...having my 1st homebirth after 3 days of labor, no pain at all, my midwife not make the birth (bc I dilate so fast) and have MY doula catch the baby
...catching MY first baby by accident as a doula because the midwife didn't trust my instinct
...finding out my great great great grandmother was a midwife in louisiana
...my midwife miss the birth of my 4th child and her assist catch the baby

Oprah said angels come in all forms and everybody has one. My question for my life is have I had many or am I meant to be an angel to those that have been in my movie? I believe midwifery is my calling but I want to learn how to really open my life to accept it and bring it into existence. But in order to do that I must first learn to LET GO...AHAAAAAA

Hide behind the face

2011-10-29T13:34:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged much since the birth of my son. A bit overwhelmed my life I guess. Feeling smothered at times but I'm working hard to surpass the challenges. Today I feel the need to express whas on my heart after playing my birth film over and over in my head.

This was birth #4 and the second time with my midwife. Long story short, I'm so sad and disappointed that she missed catching my baby a second time. I keep trying to understand why this happened, what went wrong, who's fault is it, or what's the lesson behind it all. But I still get nothing. I think subconsciously I probably blame her simply because she is my midwife. But there is no way of knowing what will come. I keep beating myself up for not making her stay the first time after my 1st birth with her. I should've known better. Now that my womb has probably come to a close, I will never have the chance again. That almost brings me to tears.

In the end, midwives are people too sent to do the creators work and women are powerful beings sent to bring forth life in their own individual way. I am blessed to push out babies swift, painless, calm, and smoothly. That's it in a nutshell.

Trust

2011-10-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

Let Go and Let FlowTaking a Leap of Faith

When you make a leap of faith you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do.

Many people, in heeding the guidance of their souls, find themselves contemplating goals that seem outrageous or unattainable. In the mind’s eye, these individuals stand at the edge of a precipice and look out over the abyss at the fruit of their ambition. Some resist the urge to jump, paralyzed by the gap between their current circumstances and the life of their dreams. Others make a leap of faith into the unknown, unsure of what they will encounter but certain that they will gain more in their attempts than they would bowing to self-protective instincts. This leap can be exceedingly difficult for individuals with control issues because the act of embracing uncertainty requires them to trust that surrender will net them the rewards they seek. Yet when you make a leap of faith, believing without a doubt that you will land safely on the other side, you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do.
There have no doubt been times in your life when you chose to go where the universal flow took you. Yet you may encounter instances in which your objectives require you to step outside of the boundaries of your established comfort zone so that you may freely and actively jettison yourself into a new phase of your life. While you may fear what seems to be the inevitable fall, consider that in all likelihood you will find yourself flying. A successful leap of faith requires your attention, as it is the quiet and often indistinct voice of your inner self that will point you toward your ultimate destination. Understand that the leap across the chasm of ambiguity may challenge you in unforeseen ways but you will make it across if you trust yourself.
If your mind and heart resist, you can dampen this resistance by building a bridge of knowledge. The more you know about the leap you are poised to take, the smaller the gap between “here” and “there” will appear to be. Your courageous leap of faith can lead you into uncharted territory, enabling you to build a new, more adventurous life. Though you may anticipate that fear will be your guide on your journey across the abyss, you will likely discover that exhilaration is your constant companion.

~ DailyOM

Make A Change

2011-10-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

This is why:

According to new U.N. data, maternal mortality in the U.S. has worsened, falling from 41st to 50th in the world. In other words, women in the U.S. face a greater risk of maternal death than women in 49 other counties. We spend more than twice as much as other developed countries at a cost of $98 billion in hospital care. For the 13th consecutive year U.S. c-section rates have risen - 32.9% in 2009 and still rising. We need not tell you about the growing number of premature, low birth weight babies.

http://www.birthcenters.org/legislative-alerts/index.php?id=38

The Doctor's Show vs. Homebirth

2011-10-10T11:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/home_page?init_type=Feature&init_id=4852

well my blood is boiling for so many different reasons...thoughts?

He's Here

2011-09-27T17:28:00.001-07:00

August was a busy, emotional, chapter closing month. I was able to release alot of worry and set into relaxion mode which for me included sleep, sleep, and more sleep. OH and lots of nesting! My gorgeous son, who continues to teach me how to take care of myself, decided not to listen to me and arrived August 26. That was an interesting week: mediation, Wednesday prenatal, which ended with my midwife saying im in denial and the baby was coming that week lol. I was in denial or maybe hoping for more pregnant time.

Now that he is here i am very overwhelmed with the next layer or motherhood that I have before me. Learning to juggle 4 children in a oober tiny space kinda makes me want to climb under a mole hill due to suffocation. I love my children, but im realizing that I need change really bad. This new stage = less phone time, chatting, outdoors, and socializing for the time being. I am enjoying his smell, smiles, and smooches all day. He is a blessing I have long awaited.

Counting Down

2011-08-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

Im learning to let go, let flow thanks to my amazing son who has yet to arrive. I am so thankful and blessed for his presence. At 36.5wks now, I am beginning to feel prepared for him although you never think you are down. Wait...am I repeating myself from my last blog??? LOL! I pray that he comes in September, in water, safely, calmly, and that his light shines RIGHT from the beginning.

34

2011-08-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

Birthdays just seem to come and go as I get older. As much as I try to be spontaneous with it, it NEVER pans out. I was blessed to turn 34 two days ago and while a bun in the oven ready to bust and lack of dinero prevented some of my more adventurous plans, I still managed to have a great day. The goal: focus on me only. I think I did pretty well! While I completely take after my mother in not being able to sit down most times, my body TOLD me not to get up until about noon LOL. I listened this time although guilt lingered in the background. Baby steps right? I then had a pedicure with G1, then had Indian food for dinner with all my girls and my mom. I came home belly full to find my hubby bought me a gorgeous massage chair!! OK I KNOW for a fact he secretly bought it for himself because he has wanted one for years which I just remembered AND he is tired of hearing me say I bad I need my back, legs, and feet rubbed only to be ignored lol.

However, this post is not about the celebration, but more so about the mind processing I have been going through. As I continue to read "Sacred Pampering Principles" I constantly ask myself, what will bring me peace and contentment on a daily basis. Trying to stay a minimalist is the biggest challenge. At 34 I feel extremely young and the number doesn't seem to fit, but in the back of my mind all I keep saying is "40 is right around the corner" lol. One thing I know for sure is I REFUSE to just let life pass me by, that just aint me. I think Yahweh has me on cruise control right now as I mass produce babies lol, but this appears to be our last go round. I feel like I will take off like a jet setter in due time. I just want to make each day count and im not sure I can do that in my current place in life. So I ask for guidance, direction, and purpose while giving thanks for my soulmate, children, and health.

1st Round of Newness

2011-08-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

As long as my baby prepping "to do" list was, I am proud to say that I have gotten through most of it :) All thats left is my filing cabinet, "decorate" my bedroom with pics/art/something, and get my birth kit stuff together. A clean house feels damn good I have to say! And yesterday I saged my home, said a prayer, and cleared the energy for the newbie to come.

With that said, tomorrow school is back in session. Our family is going through ALOT of new adjustments this summer: G1 starts middle school WITH uniforms (ugggg...we no like), G2 starts kindergarten and has G1's teacher :) and G3 and I get to spend the month of august together everyday of the week (this is a first I think so I am excited). It is gonna be QUITE the juggle with new school start/end times, all of which are not the same between the 2 schools, but im glad they will have some brain stimulating fun because I was hardly able this summer with pregnancy. So while they are learning, im gonna be finishing prep for the baby Yahweh willing: finishing his quilt, finding names, prepping birth space, freezing meals, and telling him to stay in until September please lol.

No sleep

2011-08-05T06:18:00.001-07:00

I'm having a hard time sleeping these days. Well naps have always been a staple for me, but the night is a problem. At 35 weeks today positioning is more than challenging with uterine pressure and aches, but my mind is racing against the clock. In fact I think faster than I can do lol. In my last efforts to shop for things I need, I'm realizing how debilatating my condition really is lol. Between the 113 heat, my pelvis, and feeling like 5 watermelons are in me I can't last more than 2hrs outside. Smh! I have just a few more tasks then the house is as ready as its gonna get.

I'm getting more excited about my sons arrival I just can't stand it, but then it makes me think of a million more things I must do so that everthing is perfect. Reality is...nothing is ever perfect for birth but I'm on a mission to get close.

Dreams

2011-08-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

In light of my new edition coming soon (Im 34 weeks now), I seem to be having very vivid and strange dreams. I have worked tirelessly to declutter my house and Im proud to say Im almost done :) Last setting up my room and getting my file drawer right. At this point with the dreams Im going to take a friends advice and sage the place. Well maybe myrrh bc thats what i have on hand I think and say a prayer for new energy. I can feel the nesting starting to settle in as reality sinks in that I will soon be a new mother again of baby #4, my first son, maybe my last child, and more hard work. WOW what a blessing.

Summer Reading

2011-07-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

I finished reading the Steve Harvey joint a few weeks ago and I have to say I loved it. Not all of it spoke to me (as a married woman) so i skipped to the stuff that applied. I loved it because it gives an honest insight into the mans thought process. Sometimes we as women feel like if we stroke a mans ego, we are giving up our power at times, but honestly the core of women and men will never change. Women are emotional creatures and men are more logical. Having been married 14 years now, I always look for new ways to recreate or rejuvenate parts of my relationship because lets face it, when children and other responsibilities come along, the romance goes out the window. Steve gives easy, no nonsense solutions to every day problems like miscommunication, arguments, and how to get time to self for both. I encourage the read.

My current read is even more amazing...Sacred Pampering Principles by Debrah Gandy...this is just what the Creator ordered for me. The message is that African-American women MUST start learning to pamper ourselves in order to truly take care of others around us. What I love is that it breaks down the real meaning of pampering and eliminates the illusions of what we have created it to be. I have suffered many years not doing this out of guilt and simply because it is the picture my mother, grandmothers, and aunts painted for me too. The black woman's motto: we may not do what we want to do, but we always do what we have to do.

Makin a dent

2011-07-27T17:14:00.001-07:00

With only about 7weeks left til my due date, I have an awfully long to do list in getting my house clean for that good feng shui. I've tackled a few projects, but the funnest one thus far is my cloth diaper wipes :) they were so easy and I busted out 31 in about 2hrs and another 15 in an hour or so.

To Finding your Calling

2011-07-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

Purpose gives our life meaning. When you discover your purpose, you can live your life with intention and make choices that serve your objective for why you are here on the planet. Finding your purpose is not always easy. You must embrace life wholeheartedly, explore many different pathways, and allow yourself to grow. Your purpose is as unique as you are and will evolve as you move through life. You don’t need anyone’s permission to fulfill your purpose, and no one can tell you what that purpose is. Finding and fulfilling your purpose can be a lifelong endeavor. To figure out what your purpose is, ask yourself what drives you – not what forces you out of bed in the morning, but what makes you glad to be alive. Make a list of activities that you wish you were involved in or think about a career path that you would love to embark upon. These are the endeavors that can help you fulfill your purpose and bring you the most satisfaction.

Picture yourself working on projects that don’t interest you or fulfill your purpose, yet they help satisfy your basic survival needs. Imagine how living this way each day would make you feel. Next, picture yourself devoting your time to projects that spark your imagination, inspire, excite, and satisfy you. More often than not, these activities are some of the ways that you can fulfill your life purpose. Time spent on these endeavors will never feel like a waste. Live your life with purpose, and you will feel significant and capable because every action you take and each choice you make will have meaning to it.

~Daily OM

Feeding my Brain

2011-07-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

While today I am childless for a brief moment (thanks to my amazing mother) I've decided to actually learn to take care of myself and not feel guilty. I woke up at my leisure (8am lol but hey that's a start for a mother of 3), went to the jacuzzi even though its already like 100 degrees to try and heal my back situation. I think I only lasted like 10 minutes because the water was scalding lol. I then sat poolside reading my new summer book Straight talk, no chaser by Steve Harvey! I honestly cant remember the last time I read a book for pleasure and I love to read. Since I am in a space of renewal and searching, what better way to do that than to read a book on how to make my marriage better? A few years ago, I decided to read He's Just Not that Into You while I was going through some things and boyyyyy did it speak to me. So when Steve came out with his version i was very intrigued to read it...I mean a book from a brotha to a sista essentially...its a must read right? I am already about 13 pages into it and its is a easy read, constant page turner, you don't want to put it down. The truth is men and women really are different and the more we realize and except that, stop trying to change each other, the better off our relationships can be. I will keep you posted on the read, but in the mean time I am enjoying my breakfast - greek yogurt with blueberries and granola with a croissant and sesame nut butter with a cup of candy cane tea, lemon and honey, all while listening to Fela Kuti. Perfect start to a great day.

Make a Change

2011-07-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have supported and loved all 3 of my midwives since my first child. There is nothing better than the midwifery model of care. If you haven't experienced it yet, I highly suggest you get one for your next baby. Please take a few minutes to sign the petition below online to that AZ midwives can ask the state to update their rules and regulations regarding their scope of practice. Its not just about VBACS, its so much more than that. Women deserve the right to birth how and where they want to in a safe environment. Please spread the word! You dont have to live in AZ to sign either. We have until the end of August to reach our goal.

Help Midwives Serve you Better

Passion

2011-06-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and for some reason jewelry came to mind. I was remembering how fly I used to dress in my own right, but nothing topped it off better than some hot unique handmade jewelry like the following:

Those who know me know that jewelry and lingerie are my favorite things to collect and for some reason I have stepped far away from both. On the jewelry tip, I think moving the desert has hindered my desire greatly, because you just cant find treasures like these here. Straight up! So if you ever wonder, this is what you can bless me with :)

Talk

2011-06-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

You know I really loathe confrontation, tention, and silence. But sometimes it is just plain necessary! Its not something that I personally look forward to, but in my case it's often needed in order for me to continue on my path of womanhood. There are certain people in my life that I dont want to disappoint, so I hold back the real thoughts and words on my mind.

One of life lessons is that people come and go in our lives for a season and for specific reasons. Being afraid to talk things out worried about what might happen hinders the season. If you really love someone you should never hold back, be dishonest, or tip toe around issues.

Exciting Give Away!!

2011-06-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

I am quite sure that I have expressed my desire to start doing amazing bento box lunches for my girls in hopes to inspire healthy eating and get the Food Revolution going in my house. Well there is an awesome give away that I am dying to WIN and share with everyone, so go to http://www.allthingsforsale.com/bento/giveaway-bento/#comment-112 to enter. You can win some fun and exciting bento box supplies to get your started and its all on the company, including shipping :)

Dignity

2011-06-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

Amidst everything that has been going on in my life lately, I have been trying my hardest to stay positive. However, it still amazes me how the smallest thing can make you feel like the gum on the bottom of a shoe. Today I had my follow up appointment with the OB and she said I need to take probiotics to get my vaginal house in order. I explained to her that I am fully aware of that but simply cannot afford it. She looks at me for a minute and says "well they aren't that expensive." I can't think of the words to describe how I felt in that moment, but what immediately comes to mind is: crap, shit, statistic, poor, ashamed, hurt, broken, angry, and embarrassed. I mean I am a 33yo mother, of soon to be 4 children, nurse, college grad, and yet I am in no position to provide for my family!! Trying to save face I found myself once again recapping this whole medical leave debacle and how NOW there is only one income. But what I really wanted to say was "that's easy to say for a working physician and tell that to my children who barely have food to eat or clothes on their backs these days!"

Of course my situation is not her fault by any means, but the problem lies in the fact that so many health providers simply don't consider or can't understand the struggle that many women of color face day to day. She was kind enough to provide the probiotics for me today, however, that followed up with "we will send you a bill for it in the mail". Sure, go ahead and I will just add it to all of the others that continue to come in that I cannot pay. Just 2 months ago, I lived a comfortable life - able to pay my bills, meet my childrens' needs, living within our means. And in the blink of an eye, someone was able to steal that away from me. Now I am pushed into a corner, living as a statistic having to consider government assistance and food boxes just so we can eat, not to mention how we will pay bills.

Best friends

2011-06-25T08:43:00.001-07:00

My girl, how I miss her! A real friend knows exactly what you need, when you need it, and just makes it happen. You don't have to say a word. We've been sistas since 1st grade and that is almost unheard of these days.

Saga Continues

2011-06-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

What a week! My body, this baby, wants to create a story like no other. The fFn test was positive so I went to the nearest hospital (per my midwifes request) for further follow up, or so we thought. I cannot even begin to explain my emotions walking up to the triage unit. What a paradox: being a nurse, but HATING and DREADING everything hospital when it comes to my body and pregnancies. In my worry, confusion, and all unanswered questions I found myself crying and with my guard up. As a doula, homebirther, breastfeeder, and midwife user I KNEW what to expect. Once I got into the triage room an hour later, I could over hear all the conversations and how I became the talk of the unit.

The inconsideration of hospital culture STILL baffles me, even as a nurse. I wasn't asked nor was it explained to me "may I put on these monitors to watch the baby and you?" It was just done as routine. The doctor got under my skin even more with his condescending attitude towards the fact that I CHOSE to have a vaginal breech birth with my first child who was sitting right by my side, in which i was induced. He asks "ummm why were you induced?" After my short but sweet explanation he looks at me sideways like "hmmm wow things sure have changed." I asked him what he meant and he said "well we don't induce before 39wks...breech... well that another story" My blood was already boiling and irritated by the fact that I was there, but I just wanted answers and if any time medical intervention was needed, this would be a good case (possible preterm labor at 28wks). I annoyingly said "yeh I know the rules now (holding back b/c I wanted to say although most docs don't hold back on inductions) but that was 11 years ago and THANK heavens I didn't live in Arizona then. Oh yeah he asked "soooo your a doula right?" I looked at him dumb founded because I never told anyone that. So I told him "yes and I'm a nurse" looking like whats your point?

He proceeded to then tell me my options in dealing with the current situation because I showed no signs of contractions. Basically, do nothing but follow up with my midwife in a week. Forget the fact that I've had cervical change. I say all this to say, I went to the very spot most families in the world consider "Gods House" so to speak and got nothing more than a hefty bill I cant afford and sent right back to my midwife who is really concerned about me and my babies well being. My midwives are awesome! They go above and beyond, force me to be on bed rest, and get results. The saga continues next week as I have been seen by another OB today, got a scrip for battling yeast which she thinks is causing this problem, so we will see.

Temporary confinement

2011-06-22T17:33:00.001-07:00

So yesterdays prenatal went well. I mean my midwife checked things out and it seems my cervix is very soft and dilated to 1cm :O. So no a sista is back on bedrest which is bitter sweet...nice to do nothing but torture to lay on my tail all the time.

I'm definitely worried a bit because I didn't sleep very well last night. Visions in my head of what could go wrong, how this is my first son, possibly my last child, etc. Its amazng to me because none of my pregnancis are ever dull in action lol. Thankfully the midwife is coming to do an FFN test tonight to put us all at ease I pray. But for now its bedrest and crocheting.

Womb talking

2011-06-20T22:29:00.000-07:00

So today was a bit of a reality check for me in that I started feeling "contractions" after my much needed nap. I woke with a tight aching stomach thinking my bladder was probably full. But after that relief I noticed my uterus tightening on and off pretty regularly. VERY unusual for me. My first thought was NO WAY am I going into labor but I was listening very closely to my gutt. What do I do? I mean this is baby #4 for me, Im supposed to have this down to a science right? I chalked it up as Braxton Hicks, laid down, drank water, and rested. My conscious was telling me not to panic but also not to take it lightly. After about 5 hours I decided to at least inform my midwife of what was going on, at least to put my mind at ease I guess. My hunch seems to be right, but thankfully I have a prenatal already scheduled tomorrow to make sure because this baby has been giving me major pelvic pressure, pubic bone soreness, and just hard to walk. I dont want to be a wuss about it all LOL, but a part of me is like "hey, is anybody gonna pamper me this go round??" Thats a damn shame I know, but being pregnant is supposed to be just that and I haven't got an ounce of it. I need it and want it because after the baby arrives you know everyone forgets about me lol. Ok I guess I best get off the puter now since I still feel tightness every now and then. Time to rest.

Mole Hill

2011-06-18T22:37:00.001-07:00

Lately I've been wanting to just crawl up under a rock or something. Its so much easier to dwell on the negative and wallow in your sorrow. Why is that? Its truely like a disease that just gnaws at the sore getting worse and worse. To be honest, living in the desert during summer time only makes it worse for me because its hot and therefore super dark in your house. I don't know about others, but dark houses make my spirit so damn gloomy. So a gloomy soul leads to sadness, depression, self-pity and doubt. That's me in a nutshell.

One small change in life has created a huge monster in mine. Most of the time I feel numb to life, I just wake up, perform my duties, then go to sleep to do it again.

My prayer is that Yahweh pulls me out this misery and helps me embrace the last months of my pregnancy. I love this baby and haven't expressed it enough to it. Maybe solitude is what I need and just don't know it. I need to learn to relove myself again and do the little things that center me so I can center my baby too.

2 weeks in

2011-06-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

Alright so we are 2 weeks into the amazing chore chart I've created and I have to tell you if you dont have one you are SURELY missing out. It is absolutely AMAZING to have a clean house! Granted I have a bazillion "spring" cleaning projects that I personally keep putting off but damn it im pregnant, its a thousand degress outside, and I manage 3 arguing girls ALL DAY from sun up to sun down!

Positives:
1. Clean house in less time
2. Parents get to have more chill time
3. Children learn work ethic
4. Children learn to be unselfish and work as a team

Negatives (challenges rather)
1. Parents MUST be deligent and consistant in checking chores for accuracy and completeness
2. Coughing up the reward when you are broke (this is when I change the system lol)
3. Parents must pull their weight to demonstrate how it should be done

Overall, Im glad I finally implemented this. I sooooo look forward to its continuation with ease once I have the baby. A system that will eventually run itself like a well oiled machine that doesnt require mom to manage it. I encourage you to do the same because todays children are sadly missing the point: in life, the world owes you nothing and nothing comes for free. As parents, we are only required to provide you food, clothing and shelter, the rest is simply a treat from us to you.

Perfect Job

2011-06-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

If I could cultivate my perfect job it would include the following:

1. Im the boss
2. Creative, cultural, open, free work space
3. Working with mamas and babies all day
4. Able to have my little ones with me
5. Daily breakfast circles, lunch by a chef, followed by a massage

Blessings?

2011-06-14T10:53:00.001-07:00

Would you except money as a blessing gift from an associate??

Found It!

2011-06-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

So I've been aimlessly setting a goal of doing a chore chart for months literally! Why so long you ask? Well I wanted to make it fun for the children, easy for the parents to manage, and really teach good work ethic not just rewards. I had bits and pieces of the idea which is why I guess it took forever. oh and not to mention it took about 5 or 6 trips to goodwill, lowes, and home depot to find all the right parts. A major headache for me lol. I am proud to say...its done!! And perfect timing for summer vacation so that there are no other distractions because it takes about 2 weeks to make something habitual. I'm sure the road will be bumpy but I'm excited for the ride AND a clean house :)

Blog Snafoo!

2011-06-09T18:08:00.003-07:00

I came today with the intent to update you on my families first week of choring, only to find out that the blog I thought I wrote a couple weeks ago with pictures of my awesome chart is no where to be found. It was a mobile blogging that apparently got lost :( So I will have to re post pics after this but I am currently too lazy to get up and retake lol.

The girls are really excited about the prospects of "prizes" they can receive, but I'm obviously elated by the thought of a clean house lol. The chart is interactive and fun for them. Its been the first week and of course day 1 started out with a bang - over zealous children doin a thousand because they think its gonna get them more treats...WRONG lol but I let them indulge anyway. They say it takes 21 days to make some a habit and that is the goal so that come time for school and new bambino, we will have this down to a science. In my charting system, the girls don't get paid with money. Instead they each get to write down "treats" they would like to earn. My oldest tried to bust out with video games and Nooks....ummm yeh not gone happen. It has to be under like $20. At the end of the week, IF they have completed their chores daily (not half assed) they get to pull a paper from their tins and whatever they pull is their treat for that week.

My hubby actually questioned the NUMBER of chores I gave G1 and I quickly gave him the "when i was growing up speech". I mean I hate to pull the race card, but in this instance its just necessary. My husband (1/2 Caucasian) grew up in a house without chores/structure/and his mom did the basics for him. Ummmm my family don't play that lol. We were doing chores before we could fully learn to make a mess and it was second nature to us. As the mother and foundation to my legacy, ALL my children (male and female) WILL know how to cook, clean, wash clothes, and be respectful!! Woooo I digress LOL. Bottom line is children need structure and can only appreciate it as they get older, but we are off to a great start! I am SURE the thrill will die down soon lol.

Lemonade

2011-06-06T21:23:00.002-07:00

As broke as I now am being unemployed, I had the nerve to continue our family plan to attend my cousins wedding this past weekend. Yep, I completely stepped out of my comfort zone. We ordered room service and just had a ball! I know you are probably saying, "what in the hell is wrong with you?!" Thats totally what I would say, but im implementing the "let go, let flow" mantra and practicing how to live in real faith. Faith that Yahweh hears my prayers and that His path for me will bring new light into my life.

The wedding almost brought me to tears. Primarily because it makes you reevaluate your relationship and recall why you got married in the first place. My man and I have been together for 17yrs and married 14yrs June 12. Damn saying that out loud is kinda crazy! We have made it through some REAL tough times and this era will be no different. So we are deciding to make lemonade with all the sour lemons we are being tossed right now.

Today

2011-05-26T10:51:00.002-07:00

This pregnancy seems to be flying by with all of the distractions I am facing daily. My husband says its due to my usual pregnancy hormone rollercoaster, but I greatly disagree lol. I have been walking around wallowing in my present status and it is literally taking over my life. The only way to heal is to pick myself up and move forward. After all, while I am wallowing, I am missing out on all the blessings I have been given: rest, seeing my girls grow up, being home for G1's last weeks of school, searching for my babies name, and planning my future endeavor.

Instead I am committing myself to doing one "project" on my long to do list. Dwelling on the negative breeds sickness and dis-sease.

Wednesday Wish....

2011-05-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

That my rocky road will transfer into the yellow brick road soon

Imma Boss?

2011-05-22T17:51:00.002-07:00

Being in a major recession, suddenly losing my steady income, and wondering what's next, really makes me wanna just do something spontaneous. Maybe just get my passport, hop on a plane to Brazil or Senegal to learn how others live life in peace with a smile on their faces with little of nothing. I was by no means well off, hell I've always lived pay-check to pay-check, but I never liked that feeling. Leaving my life in the fait of someone else's hand is often times not worth the steady paycheck, and I am now being reminded of this very thought daily.

In my attempt to step into the entrepreneurial waters, I am struggling greatly to find a creative unique itsjustme name for the business. I plan to offer mama/baby care in whatever form the mama needs after she has her baby in a nutshell. Some might say, "well isnt that just what a doula does?" Ummmmm yeh I guess so LOL. But I am doula, childbirth and breastfeeding educator, mama of 3, registered nurse, and wife of 14 years; so I want to use ALL of that and educator other mamas in a more rounded fashion. Plus, a sista needs money, I mean lets be honest lol. So if you have some names, holla at me ;)

Let Go, Let Yahweh

2011-05-19T14:34:00.002-07:00

Why is "let go, let Yahweh" such an easy statment to say, but 1o times harder to actually DO? I mean how does one really do this while still maintaining your option to choose in life? I've have prayed and prayed for answers, but either I dont hear the answer or am ignorning it because Im afraid of the result. Tomorrow some sort of decision will be made because i cant take the constant obsessing over one small part of my life. I have SO much more ponder on and that which brings me so much joy.

Conscious: Ok, child who are you fooling? I mean if you know this why haven't you just made a choice?!

Self: Because damn it, Im scared! What if I make the wrong choice? I hate to be wrong? I like to be in control of it all.

Conscious: If you truely want direction you have to just let life happen and worry about the rest later

Self: tomorrow is the day

Around the Corner

2011-05-15T08:31:00.002-07:00

So I'm on a new journey. With all the changes happening in my life right now which are apparently Yahweh's will, I am pushing myself to step out of my "box". Yep my box! If I haven't said it before, I am a go by the rule book, investigate every possibility, there is only one way type of woman. Always have been, but as a girlfriend/midwife of mine pointed out to me one day "birth just aint that way, so you gone have to change that". So I am taking a slow leap towards something special and every time I think of letting it go, I remember those words. OH, and a few others:

There is nothing to fear, but fear itself

You are your own worst critic

We often succeed our way up by our failures

You never know until you've tried

We fall down, but we get up

Stay tuned and pray for me lol!

Diving In and Loving it

2011-05-03T11:00:00.002-07:00

So I have been on bed/couch rest for almost a week now due to a severe pelvic/uterine injury last weekend. Being confined to the 4 walls of my house for this long has driven me crazy as I watch my family breeze through the wind every day. It's gotten so bad that I beg my hubby to let me go to Circle K down the darn street with him!! LOL and he quickly vetoes that :(

On the flip side, I absolutely LOVE having time to myself, to take care of me for once which is a very hard task for someone like me. In my new spare time I have started reading a small scripture in the am, praying for guidance, and just sitting on my tail lol. In doing these things, I am realizing my inner voice really enjoys this change because I feel peaceful again. I dont hear the caos I usually have. So I think my conscious has already told me the solution to my problem, now I just have to figure out how to make it happen and still keep income coming in???

Ummmm

2011-04-14T15:52:00.001-07:00

After 5 glorious days off, I'm starting to get the go-back-to-work anxiety. Something in my gutt says this is not normal. I've known for a while that I am unhappy somewhere in my situation. It often feels like I'm living that "be careful what you ask for" nightmare. Today I watched Eat, pray, love and boy it rang straight to my thougts. Now I'm just wondering what drastic moves do I need to make for happiness and to regain my self back?

Chance to Win cloth dipes!!

2011-04-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

http://babyhalfoff.com/blog/?p=3131&cpage=34#comment-51864

Debbie downer

2011-04-09T10:05:00.001-07:00

Yesterday a patient reminded me that nobody wants to constantly hear whining and complaining bcause that's all she did. Then my conscious told me "hey that's you lately". So as of today I'm making it my effort to knock it off! I started the day off with some mothers tea and a pedicure because I simply have not been taking care of me and the seed I carry.

Although my job has me stuck the realization is that I can't change it in this moment, but I can work towards finding what brings me joy after the baby comes to make the transition. As suzie orman said I am young and fabulous and now is the time to sacrifice for the career vision I see for myself.

to get or not?

2011-03-29T04:51:00.001-07:00

I really want a vitamix? Its mucho expensivo but I'm amazed by the costco demos I have to pass on. Any feedback? Do you like yours? Is it worth it?

My man

2011-03-24T03:14:00.001-07:00

Just gotta thank Yahweh for bringing my hubby of almost 14 yrs of marriage and 17yrs together, because he is such an amazing man. He would give his heart for me. What can you gift of to someone who has everything? Ideas??

Get off the ride

2011-03-23T02:40:00.001-07:00

Since new years my life hasn't been the same. But one thing feels real familiar. Five years ago I found myself having the exact same feeling of claustorphobia, disgust, frustration, and wanting to quit. I was pregnant with G2 and working a job that was oober stressful and I simply felt stuck. My marriage was a mess and I simply was dying inside. I stuck it out to provide for my babies as most of us do. But I couldn't wait to be on maternity leave.
Now here I am today in the same boat, only I went to school for it. But there is something big missing and all I can come up with so far is that my soul is empty, I don't feel the reward, and need to be around birth again. But now the job has scared me into thinking I'm not ready. I know, as I always did, that the hospital scene is not for me. I feel like layers of my soul are being stripped away and replaced with robotic parts that are designed to push the pills.
But I ask, how does one draw the line between responsibility and self harmony? Did I give up that right when I decided to have 4 children? I need a wise elder like never before at this point in life because change must come in order for me to get off this ride.

Movement

2011-03-14T13:03:00.003-07:00

Sometimes the only thing that gets me through life is..movement. Today I am feeling it really strong. Im sitting here wising I was somewhere else, living a different, more exciting life. I keep thinking to myself "there has got to be more to life than just this...the same routine daily of going to work, being a parent, and sleeping just to do it again??" I know that there are blessings behind these things but honestly I want to live a more purposeful life. I have friends living over seas teaching their children different languages/culture, others that are working their dream job, and others that shoot the breeze feeding their souls healthy foods. Just doing them you know what I mean. Thats the life I have always seen for myself, but the logical thinker in me sometimes prevents that.

So instead I use the beat of music to speak to my soul and dance it all away...the worries, the thoughts, the angst, all of it. They call it the talkin drum for a reason, whether its capoeira, samba, west african, neo-soul, hip hop, it all speaks to me in a different way. But its the thing im thankful for today. Here are todays inspirations:

1. Willie Colon: Dia de Suerte
2. Grupo de Capoeira Pelorinho: O Nega Que Vende Al
3. India Arie: Private party

I Aspire

2011-02-20T19:19:00.002-07:00

All I can say, is im learning patients and laziness at the same time

Phenergan...giving me problems at work

2011-01-11T15:35:00.003-07:00

This medication caused me to have my first Rapid Response Call experience and now I see why! Good information for the masses.

New Year

2011-01-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Careful

2010-11-29T00:47:00.003-07:00

It's been a long while since I blogged. I actually have been contemplating deleting the whole thing entirely, but my other voice says "you started this to release all of your emotional baggage and stress remember?" So its bittersweet for real. I'm not one to openly voice my problems or like confrontation for that matter, so instead I write. I've been that way since I was a little girl. As an adult I'm not sure that I am comfortable with this outlet of expression. Most of my friends are openly out spoken and I admire them because they seem so free, but the people pleasing side of me can't stand the thought of hurting someone else for my own gratification. Wrong I'm sure?

My life is still very unsettled but I have many of the things I prayed for months ago and now I'm wondering is it worth it? I love my family, my babies, and at times i feel like I'm missing so much of them and I can tell its affecting them too. I just want balance back in my life. I can't discern if working nights, rotating shift, 12+hr shifts, sleeping all day to catch up, or bouncing my girls around from house to house is the problem. Or is it that I feel miserable the day I have to go into the hospital? I KNOW that I am a good nurse in that I give compassion, have patience, and converse with my patients, but the passion is greatly lacking. Passion is extremely important in order for me to do the things I do above thereby missing my family. Now I am faced with...do i apply for my masters now or wait another year? I'm a strong woman but hell I'm tired, I ain't even gonna lie. But one things for sure, working in a hospital long term is NOT for me. I feel boxed in, forced at times, and like a robot. I need autonomy, creativity, excitement, and a purpose. I hate to sound ungrateful in these trying times we live in because yes I am blessed. I would just LOVE to be blessed and be fulfilled at the same time LOL. I guess I am saying it would be wonderful to one day not HAVE to work for the sake of providing, but instead CHOOSE to work to the love of it all and the rest just come with it. Advice or comments would be great!

Learning

2010-08-10T22:36:00.002-07:00

Became an RN...check
Got a f/t nursing job with benefits...check
Got a "nanny"...check

With all of these accomplishments, I am feeling outside my body lately. A surge of emotions has me unsure of myself and questioning the importance of it all. Other nurses tell me that its normal and it will pass. The first year sucks they say. While I am feeling a tad bit more confident in my bed side manner, managing the daily task at hand seems unreachable right now. I know my weeknesses and boy they are yelling out to me these days. But my prayer is that I will not run from them, but instead face them head on to get better.

Mother

2010-07-27T18:16:00.000-07:00

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

My new job!

2010-07-15T08:53:00.001-07:00

Phoenix Baptist: Med/Surg Women's Health :-)

Not July Yet ;)

2010-06-29T08:53:00.003-07:00

This morning the Creator reminded me that words are powerful. What we say out loud carries truth, weight, importance, and a request. Through what seems to be the mother ship of dark clouds and gloom, we usually can't see all the little things and blessings. Yeh this is nothing new, but why do we forget it? I think because its easier to find comfort in feeling down, having a pity party. But when being honest with ourselves we remember that we are human: carnal minded, in the flesh, living in the moment.

About a month ago, I said "I am giving myself until July before I brainstorm plan B in my job hunting attempt" because I was banking on a new grad opportunity. When that fell through the cracks I lost hope once again, but didn't want to give up in the back of my mind. I'm not a quitter damn it and in my life when I want something I get it! Ok, not necessarily ALWAYS when I want it LOL, but that's Yahweh reminding me who's boss ;) Two days before my self-proclaimed date, I have my first nursing job interview today in six months!! Med/Surg Women's services. How perfect is that? Yahweh does have my back. I am so elated, nervous, and confident all at once. All I know is that I want this job as much as the butterflies grow in my stomach. I need this, my family needs this, the community needs this. I'm gonna get it, Yahweh willing. Prayers go up and blessings come down: the prayer mission is complete, may Yahweh bring me the blessing of "we would like to offer you the job"

Creative Circles

2010-06-27T23:55:00.002-07:00

We truely live in a generation run by technology: social networking, blogging, texting, chatting, and TV. I am the first to admit that I have fallen victim to most of these. I don't think they are bad, but I think its insanely easy to let them comsume your life. I mean we can have it on our phones and take it every where we go for heavens sake! So in light of all my forced "pauses" since graduating I decided to simply turn them off..at least for brief moments in time.

During the pauses I want to allow my creative juices to flow. As I get older I am realizing that I have always been creative or had creative thoughts, but I was to L7 (i.e. living in a box) to let them out scared of failure and being "wrong". Its amazing how when looking back it dawned on me that my ancestors have passed on great creativity to me and it runs through my veins: quilting (grandmother), clothes designing (mom), midwifery/teaching (great great grandmother/great aunt), singing (dads fam). I am going to start crocheting, music therapy, reading, sewing again.

Today my daughter and I joined our first sewing circle and she took it by storm. Its all she can think about. I love her excitement for life! I pray that she reminds me daily to STOP, BREATHE, and put technology down and engulf all the things that bring me joy and that I can pass on to my babies.

Ahhhhh

2010-06-19T21:56:00.002-07:00

My favorite flower: calla lily. Simulates a baby in the womb to me, do you see it?
Origin: Southern african regions

In the beginning

2010-06-16T23:50:00.002-07:00

This blog has metamorphosed into many things since its inception about four years ago. However, the core of it has always been putting my emotions on e-paper while in the moment. Tonight is no different.

6months post graduation, I thought I would be sitting on cloud 9 by now. Instead, I have been battling the continuous tornado of events: unable to land a nursing job, health issues, financial issues, etc. The usual me would never let this stop me, but its all beginning to take its tole.

In life we are all dealt a deck of cards and its up to us to determine how we will play the hand right? Well I used to think so. The situation has me doubting so much and asking why? In efforts to pick myself up, Im searching for plan B. What I really need is serenity, a place to hide, so i can regain my strength, inner peace, and self-confidence back. Unfortunately, its summer time in the desert which puts a damper on my spirit because its so freakin hot (the seasons here work the opposite on me compared to normal weather). One thing is for sure, I will not give up, I stay prayerful, but I would really like some answers from above.

Push

2010-06-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

Giving up is never an option when you are truly resolute

Picture Speaks 1000 Words

2010-06-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

Honey Gamble

2010-06-05T12:32:00.001-07:00

A teaspoon of honey calms a busy child. Eat your heart out and take a gamble for once! Its free after all...

http://turning-the-clock-back.blogspot.com/2010/05/giveaway-tropical-traditions-raw-honey.html

Freebie!

2010-06-03T22:38:00.004-07:00

In my mission to turn over a "green" leaf, I have tried many great products. I have been very happy with Seventh Generation which is why I am so glad to share this giveaway opportunity I ran across: Enjoy!

http://thriftyjenny.blogspot.com/2010/05/seventh-generation-giveaway.html?showComment=1275629860753_AIe9_BFfxJYfR9CmpQews9cTSigk-vTBCoONotWkyLXifCvMj_lxmTE7ccljyv6UTGOGXGSl_QLBy0aYpDsAjVb1RLEFrMnYosbNBpnJaq3TlLBqNf7caXjTS83S5na5fwagZSJMJ2wg4aHDeQAyxpMXA-GVXSsJam-I2gdSAwho0lXGB9kbmCL5eFZILBnwVVqRy5P5fCNXwzF9NkxsmSvfYptyhdvztjBvDTM2zElttz66Bk6qQiM#c8682045436938524222

On pause...

2010-05-29T23:29:00.003-07:00

Wooo sahhhh!! I feel like a quiet gentle storm has been hovering over me for quiet some time now and its throwing off my balance, chi, axe, feng shui, all dat. I'm finding myself making commitments I can't keep, being inconsistent, and down right lazy. For months my focus has been on finding a nursing job in the hospital so I can become more confident in my abilities as a nurse. With one last hope in the basket, I think I will surrender my flag and move on to the next plan if it does not hatch. I mean I can't for the life of me understand WHY Yahweh has not blessed me with a job yet?! Well I have a part time job teaching pregnant teens about birth and pregnancy, so maybe im over looking the blessing?

Whatever the reasons, its all got me on serious pause. I need to find my way back to serenity, Tranquil T. I am still trying to find out what it will take but on the forefront nothing in the desert seems to be standing out. I dont think I have ever actually put myself on hiatus because its not in my character, but that has darn sure changed. Hibernation, hiding, thats me and it feels damn good. So now I am listening, waiting, feeling for the direction so that I can exhale again.

New Pap Test Guidelines: Start Later, Have Fewer - US News and World Report

2010-05-19T10:57:00.001-07:00

New Pap Test Guidelines: Start Later, Have Fewer - US News and World Report

Posted using ShareThis

Green Busters

2010-05-17T11:31:00.005-07:00

In my mission towards making GREEN baby steps, I thought what better way to test the waters than with cleaning my oven. I hereby submit picture 1 into evidence:

Now while this isn't actually my oven (because I didn't think about blogging for this until halfway through the process), this is a PERFECT example of just how disgustingly dirty my oven was with caked on spills of (cheese, cake batter, bubbly goodness from my past award winner meals). It was so bad that I knowingly ignored the fact that it needed cleaning every time I opened it. Mostly because I can't stand the odor of traditional store oven cleaners that my mom used to poison us with. I mean dang if I can't feel my eyes or nose hairs when walking in the house, THAT can't be good for the health of my loved ones. A regular scrubbing sponge was NOT doing the trick.

So I finally stopped my procrastination and busted out my trusty household staples: baking soda and white vinegar! I thoroughly covered the whole oven with baking soda, let it sit for a bit, then poured vinegar over it on the bottom of the oven. It instantly starts bubbling so a little can go a long way. I let it sit for a couple of hours and here's what we got: I submit picture 2 into evidence.This picture doesn't do justice because I opened the oven and my jaw dropped! I simply took my PAPER TOWEL and wiped with no problem at all. I did one more application for shear enjoyment. Picture 3 for evidence:

Walahhh!! Now the leftover spots are me being lazy and not wanting to put elbow grease to scrub these caked on patches. But as you can see it works, is shiny, and best of all ODOR free!! So for all my pregnant mommas (everyone else too of course) get rid of those oven cleaners and give the babies a healthy start in life :)

Searching for Higher

2010-05-12T10:03:00.002-07:00

Sometimes a song just says it all and uplifts your spirit.

The REAL HU ;)

2010-05-10T11:28:00.003-07:00

Price on a Boys Head

2010-05-08T06:38:00.003-07:00

I have wanted a son since my first pregnancy. As much as I adore my three girls, the desire is still very strong. But I feel like im playing russian roulette in the attempt. While I am no where near ready to try for baby #4 the thought still luminates in my head.

A good friend of mine let me borrow this book she bought:

The book, but probably strong prayer, got her a son and now she has closed the factory forever. Hell at this point I will try anything is it means more testosterone and a little less emotional attitude lol.

Of course I have skipped straight to the "how to make a boy" chapter. I've only read like 2 pages and already I am intrigued. One of the first things they mention is "keeping the soldiers cool". Go on, let your imagination run wild with this one because they mention so many things you would never imagine: working near hot ovens, wearing sweat suits when working out, swimmers that wear tight suits, etc. Automatically I think about my husband since he can't manage to bust out a boy lol...he wears boxer briefs, basketball shorts, and THEN his daily pants on top of that in this HOT desert! Could that be the problem?! Well this is just the beginning of my reading.

In the meantime, I would love to take a poll on men and their gender producing. Men producing boys vs. girls and see what their heat patterns are. Please send comments or spread the word. Here are some starter questions:

1. Boxers or Briefs?

2. Baths?

3. Swim trunks or speedos?

4. Sleep lose or confined?

5. Do boys or girls run in his family?

6. Did he produce more boys or girls thus far?

Raise'm up

2010-05-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

The Best We Can Be
Honoring Our Children
Everything we do and say in the presence of our children makes an impression on them. All is taken in and processed.

Everything we do and say in the presence of our children makes an impression on them. We may think we can get away with swearing or gossiping in front of them when they can’t talk, but we have forgotten that just because they can’t talk doesn’t mean they don’t hear. They are sensitive sponges absorbing their environment in ways we will never know. Even if the words don’t make sense to them, they make an impression, as does the energy behind the words. We honor our children when we acknowledge that they are fully present from the very beginning and when we offer ourselves to them in ways that model the best of what humans can be.

When we bring a child into the world, a great welling up of love and hope fills our hearts. We unequivocally want the very best for our children, and we want to be the best parents a child could ever want. We begin to see ourselves and our lives in a different light, and things that seemed okay before we had a child suddenly reveal themselves as problematical. This can lead to a somewhat mincing review of our habits of speech, thought and feeling, our relationships, and our physical habits. We may feel that we have put ourselves under a microscope, which can be stressful. However, it can also lead to a great healing of our own unresolved issues and, in turn, it enables us to be good parents to our children. Talking to other conscious parents about this life transformation can be very helpful.

~Daily OM

My Midwife Is...

2010-05-05T06:40:00.003-07:00

...da bomb!
...caring
...compassionate
...a good listener
...my friend
...my mentor
...just as capable as any Dr. if not better
...there for ME
...like a mother guiding me
...a healer
...called
...beautiful
...artistic
...forgiving
...DESERVING of respect, honesty, trust
...someone who LOVES and HONORS birth
...not trying to intervene
...not managed by threats of malpractice
...where she should be
...is the ONLY choice for catchin my babies
...someone who erases any fears
...a supporter of breastfeeding because it is the Creators way of healing and protecting our babies
...CELEBRATED today and EVERYDAY on International Midwifery Day
...LOVED

Green Lunch

2010-04-27T10:07:00.002-07:00

I bought this about 3 years ago and LOVE it. It keeps foods warm or cool and has unbelievable stretch. Plus it doubles as a table mat when you eat so no worries about nasty germs touching your food. There are TONS of options out there that are reasonable, so start turning your foot green ;)

http://www.reusablebags.com/store/built®-fugu-medium-insulated-lunch-tote-p-1194.html

Fizzle Juice

2010-04-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sweet to the Core

2010-04-25T10:42:00.002-07:00

Hi, my name is Jane Doe and im a sugar addict. Thats the first step to recovery right? Now that I'm on my mission to go GREEN, slow as it may be, I am really doing my best to take the baby steps that I mentioned in my last blog. So my first, most important, goal is to decrease my sugar intake because it continues to come back to haunt me in different ways.

Sugar is the devil! It is in EVERYTHING where you would least expect it.

Sugar adds calories which if you eat more than you need, you will gain weight. Weight gain increases your risk of getting heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure or even some types of cancer. However, if you are underweight, sugar can add extra calories so that you can gain weight. If your body doesn't make enough insulin like a diabetic, then the sugar you eat increases the sugar in your blood to unhealthy levels.

The body breaks down sugar into the sugar you find in your blood (glucose). Unfortunately, there are no vitamins or minerals in sugar and so it is called an "empty" calorie. That is why it is the first food to be eliminated from a weight loss diet. By the way, it doesn't matter if the sugar is white or brown. The amount of molasses in brown sugar is so low it doesn't contribute enough of any vitamin or mineral to count on a food label. ~http://www.dietitian.com/sugar.html

I came across this fabulous website that discusses the effects of sugar on the body in greater detail: http://macrobiotics.co.uk/sugar.htm Please check it out!

Food to Live

2010-04-23T21:54:00.003-07:00

It's been a long minute since I have blogged and for good reason. I really don't want to blog just to blog because words get lost in the meaning. Today just felt right! For the past week I have been thrashed with various mediums about food and how our choices affect us. Now some might say duhh! But hell, I pride myself on eating healthy, yet I realize I still have so much more to learn and change. But the great part is that I am eager to do it. Here are my recommendations, if this doesn't inspire you, make you cry, and really contemplate your choices I don't know what will:

Food, Inc. Documentary (http://www.foodincmovie.com/)

Food Revolution: Jamie Oliver from Foodnetwork(Oh while you are there you may as well sign the petition for Jamie :)
www.abc.go.com/shows/jamie-olivers-food-revolution

Changes in eating can seem overwhelming when you think about all you have to watch: organic, labels, ingredients, pesticides, BPA, etc. Its most important to start SOMEWHERE, small changes make the difference. They say it takes 2 weeks to make something a habit, so choose one thing, do it for 2 wks, and move on to the next thing. We are eating to live remeber that. Today I chose to make these changes:

1. Buy more organic, local, farm products
2. Go to u-pick non pesticide ridden farm this summer
3. Find a way to get my children to eat from the earth
4. Get ride of processed foods in the house

Biting off anotherhttp://mannursediaries.blogspot.com/2010/04/joint-commission-fewer-inductions-fewer.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_c

2010-04-22T13:56:00.002-07:00

Musicspirations

2010-04-15T07:29:00.002-07:00

Somestimes you just need some music therapy to get ya mind and body right. Here is my am wake up call list:

1. Nobody wins a war - Raheem Devaughn, Love & War
2. And I gave my love to you - Sonja Marie, Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack
3. Words - Anthony David & India Arie

4. Emotional Rollercoaster - Vivian Green
5. Love - Musiq Soulchild
6. Only for you - Eric Roberson

Reassessing

2010-04-03T09:03:00.002-07:00

Every day I read my "followed blogs" and I am instantly inspired to do the same. Only I find myself opening the post and just stare at the page because I feel like I have nothing to say. Well at least nothing that sounds like a complaint, worry, or anything that others want to hear about. However, everything is relative to someone in time. Reviewing my posts just after becoming an RN, I am amazed that at where I am in life. Nope I have not found a job yet and honestly I am so tired of hearing those not in my shoes to say "be flexible...take what you can get...stop being picky...they NEED nurses." The reality is that YES nurses are still in demand BUT not new grads with nothing but clinical experience that require mentoring. That cost money and time, all of which we KNOW hospitals don't do well with. I have applied to over 300 positions and not ONE interview or call back to date! I constantly edit my resume and get a little more desperate in my cover letter cry. I'm really trying to ENJOY this time I have off doing nothing but its really difficult when you have mouths to feed. Have I said all this before because I feel like a broken record...like its deja vu.

Hot momma!

2010-03-25T08:15:00.003-07:00

Who says pregnant mommas lose their swag?! I absolutely love Jill Scott! Not just for her amazing voice, but because she keeps it real. Motherhood comes to us all as what it is...a miracle. There is always a lesson in it no matter the path. I think its so astonishing that her baby boy came to her at 4:20pm on 4/20 and while she was in the motherland filming "The #1 Ladies Detective".

Your worth

2010-03-18T23:19:00.002-07:00

Lately I have been feeling all out of wack. Its as if Yahweh is trying to show me the "patient" side of things. Whatever it is its working. I really don't like labels or diagnosis because I think it boils down to one persons interpretation of what's not "normal" or the latest medical update on what used to be done. I will say that what I'm feeling is strong, weird, and concerning to me. I'm not sure when it began, but the quick change of my life could be it. I am now a RN on paper who can't get a job, hell an interview for that matter, with 3 children to provide for. I feel like the one who fell for the society bull so the masses can make a dollar. But that's the emotional side talking. The fact is...its their loss because with every rejection I get via email (and there have been hundreds) their patients are missing out on a compassionate, patient, and loving nurse. I need to stop allowing this to define my worth...let go and let Yahweh! Honestly though that's much easier said than done because reality sometimes sucks ass. My reality right now is suffocating be but I refuse to let it kill me. I will start at the beginning..that is reconnecting with Yahweh through prayer, listening, and. Meditation. This in itself is shaping me into a better nurse..thank you Father. Tomorrow I will write so I can get right.

Blank Slate

2010-03-11T18:01:00.003-07:00

Have you ever come to fork in the road of your life where it just seems like a blank canvas? So blank that its just whispering to you "come make me a masterpiece"? That's definitely where I am right now and it is painful, frustrating, melancholy, painful, mysterious, and exciting all together. But my soul feels horribly uneasy. In my heart I want so badly to make a contribution in this world but feel like chains are tying me down. Every day I am praying for guidance, but I am not sure my mind is even open to hearing the response. That's bad right? I've got to get it together for sure, but I have to start simple. I think I need to first deal with and except what is my reality and stop dreaming. But when you stop dreaming, you stop living...at least that's my thought. Dreams are not just unfulfilled missions, they are puffs of hope that keep us going. I never want to stop dreaming just because I took the less popular path at 32. Regrets are for the pessimistic. I want to live life and make it a masterpiece starting today.

Old school reigns supreme

2010-03-09T09:33:00.004-07:00

Lessons at Indian Hospital About Births

Alice Proujansky for The New York Times
Berdella Masayemptewa, center, paternal grandmother of the 3-week-old Uutsi'yma, read the boy's names at dawn as he saw the sun for the first time, a Hopi tradition.

By DENISE GRADY
Published: March 6, 2010

TUBA CITY, Ariz. —
After less than two hours in the maternity ward, with her boyfriend, his mother
and a nurse-midwife by her side, Jacquelynn Torivio gave birth to a five-pound,
five-ounce son with his grandmother’s dimples and a full head of shiny black hair.

A 3-day-old girl, Allisyn Dohi, who was born at the Tuba City Regional
Health Care Corporation hospital in Arizona. As she held him, Ms. Torivio’s
spirits clearly matched her Hopi name, Nuquahynum — “a feather flying high.”

It was the kind of birth that many women in the United States could only wish for. Ms. Torivio had a vaginal birth, even though her previous child had been delivered by Caesarean section. Because of that prior surgery, many hospitals would not have let her even try to give birth vaginally, but would have required another Caesarean.

The Tuba City Regional Health Care Corporation is different. Its hospital, run by the Navajo Nation and financed partly by the Indian Health Service, prides itself on having a higher than
average rate of vaginal births among women with a prior Caesarean, and a lower Caesarean rate over all.

As Washington debates health care, this small hospital in a dusty desert town on an Indian reservation, showing its age and struggling to make ends meet, somehow manages to outperform richer, more prestigious institutions when it comes to keeping Caesarean rates down, which saves money and is better for many mothers and infants.

This week, the National Institutes of Health will hold a conference in Bethesda, Md., about the
country’s dismal rates of vaginal birth after Caesarean, or VBAC (pronounced VEE-back), which have plummeted since 1996. “I think it’s the purpose of this conference to see if we can turn the clock back,” said Dr. Kimberly D. Gregory, vice chairwoman of women’s health care quality and performance improvement at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Tuba City will not be on the agenda, but its hospital, with about 500 births a year, could probably teach the rest of the country a few things about obstetrical care. But matching its success would require sweeping, fundamental changes in medical practice, like allowing midwives to handle more deliveries and removing the profit motive for performing surgery.

Changes in malpractice insurance would also help, so that obstetricians would feel less pressure to perform Caesareans. (The hospital and doctors in Tuba City are insured by the federal government, and therefore insurance companies cannot threaten to increase their premiums or withdraw coverage if they allow vaginal births after Caesarean.) Patients, too, would have to adjust their attitudes about birth and medical care during pregnancy and labor.

The national Caesarean rate, 31.8 percent, has been rising steadily for the last 11 years and is fed by repeat patients. Critics say that doctors are performing too many Caesareans, needlessly exposing women and infants to surgical risks and running up several billion dollars a year in
excess bills, precisely the kind of overuse that a health care overhaul is supposed to address.

Even the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has acknowledged that the operation is overused. Though there is no consensus on what the rate should be, government health agencies and the World Health Organization have suggested 15 percent as a goal in low-risk women.

“VBAC” has become a battle cry, with fierce advocates on both sides—women who insist that they should not be forced into surgery versus doctors and hospitals who insist on repeat Caesareans, citing the risks of labor and concerns about liability and insurance.

Originally, the mantra was “once a Caesarean, always a Caesarean” because of fears that the scar on the uterus would rupture during labor, which can be life-threatening for both the woman and the child. But after an expert panel in 1980 declared it safe for many women, vaginal birth after Caesarean had a heyday: in 1996, the rate reached 28.3 percent in women with previous Caesareans.

Then, there were some ruptures, deaths and lawsuits. The obstetricians’ group issued stricter
guidelines, and the rate sank. It is now below 10 percent, and some experts think the pendulum has swung too far the other way.

In Tuba City last year, 32 percent of women with prior Caesareans had vaginal births. Its overall
Caesarean rate has been low — 13.5 percent, less than half the national rate of 31.8 percent in 2007 (the latest year with figures available). This is despite the fact that more women here have diabetes and high blood pressure, which usually result in higher Caesarean rates.

The hospital serves mostly Native Americans — Navajos, Hopis and San Juan Southern Paiutes. Four other hospitals in New Mexico and Arizona, run by the Indian Health Service, also offer vaginal birth after Caesarean to some women (it is not safe for all) and have relatively low Caesarean rates without harming mothers or children, whose health in the first month after birth matches nationwide statistics. Doctors say there is no scientific evidence that Native American women are more able than others to have vaginal births.

“There is a significant lesson here about the ability of most women to deliver vaginally,” said Dr. Jean E. Howe, the chief clinical consultant for obstetrics and gynecology at Northern Navajo
Medical Center in Shiprock, N.M.

Nurse-midwives at these hospitals deliver most of the babies born vaginally, with obstetricians available in case problems occur. Midwives staff the labor ward around the clock, a model of care
thought to minimize Caesareans because midwives specialize in coaching women through labor and will often wait longer than obstetricians before recommending a Caesarean. They are also less likely to try to induce labor before a woman’s due date, something that increases the odds of a Caesarean.

In the rest of the country, nurse-midwives attend about only 10 percent of vaginal births, though their professional society, the American College of Nurse Midwives, hopes that will grow to 20 percent by 2020.

Dr. Kathleen Harner, an obstetrician in Tuba City, said: “Midwives are better at being there for labor than doctors are. Midwives are trained for it. It’s what they want to do.”

Dr. Amanda Leib, the director of obstetrics and gynecology at Tuba City, said: “I think the midwives tend to be patient. They know the patients well, and they don’t have to leave at 5 to get home for a golf game or a tennis game. As crass as that sounds, I do think it has some influence.”

Donna Rackley, a nurse-midwife in Tuba City, said that at a previous job in North Carolina, doctors who did not want to work late would sometimes set an arbitrary deadline and declare that if a woman did not deliver by then, she would have to have a Caesarean.

“I found myself apologizing to patients,” Ms. Rackley said. In Tuba City, she said, if labor is slow but there is no sign of fetal distress and the patient wants more time, the doctors will wait.

Something that has led many other hospitals to ban vaginal birth after Caesarean poses less of a problem at Tuba City. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends that an obstetrician and an anesthesiologist be “immediately available” during labor for patients who have had a previous Caesarean in case something goes wrong.

Many hospitals, especially small ones, say they cannot afford to pay these specialists to wait
around. But in Tuba City, doctors live on the hospital grounds or just minutes away, and they are immediately available even if they are at home.

Doctors and midwives here earn salaries and are not paid by the procedure, so they have no financial incentive to perform surgery. (Doctors earn $190,000 to $285,000 a year, and midwives $80,000 to $120,000.)

“My colleagues here truly want to practice medicine and help people,” said Dr. Jennifer Whitehair, an obstetrician. “That’s not true everywhere. Here they’re not thinking, how much can I make off this procedure?”

The hospital and doctors are federally insured against malpractice, in contrast to other hospitals, where private insurers have threatened to raise premiums or withdraw coverage if vaginal birth after Caesarean is allowed.

As a result, Dr. Leib said, doctors in Tuba City are free to “think about what’s best for the patient and not what covers our butts.”

Some of Tuba City’s success probably arises from Navajo culture and customs. Couples often want more than two children, but repeated Caesareans increase the risk of each pregnancy, so
doctors and patients are motivated to avoid the surgery. Also, Navajos regard incisions as a threat to the spirit, something to be avoided unless necessary.

Birth is a joyous affair here, and the entire family — from children to great-grandparents — often go to the delivery room. “I’ve had 12 family members in the room,” said Michelle Cullison, a nurse-midwife. “I’ve frankly never seen a place like this. Whoever that woman wants to be there is there. It’s something I would take out to the community.”

Linda Higgins, the head of midwifery at Tuba City, said: “All of a sudden Mom is surrounded by
women, and they’re all helping her and touching her.” As a result, many young women have already seen children born by the time they become pregnant, and birth seems natural to them, not frightening.

Can the rest of the country learn from Tuba City? Doctors say they are intrigued by the model but not sure how transferable it is. Dr. Gregory said it would not be easy to lower the Caesarean rate because of entrenched practices that raise it, like labor induction, repeat Caesareans and in vitro fertilization procedures that produce multiple births. Obesity also drives up Caesarean rates.

“I believe that a 15 percent rate is possible and not unreasonable — as a researcher,” Dr. Gregory said. “As a clinician, if you factor in patient autonomy and the number of interventions we do, it’s not likely to be possible if we keep doing what we’re doing.”

Open Says Me

2010-03-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

"When we are willing and able to recognize that there are many avenues open to us beyond those in our immediate field of perception, the world becomes a brighter place. Instead of feeling that we are limited by our circumstances, we feel liberated by our ability to appreciate the vast quantity of possibilities laid out before us. There is bliss in the certainty of knowing that we need not conform to the socially or culturally mandated course of action. We can carve our own paths—ones suited to our unique blend of personality traits and predilections. Consequently, we derive real enjoyment from not only our eventual success but also from the journey that leads us there."

Daily Reminders of Blessings

2010-03-06T08:50:00.004-07:00

A HIV positive mother in Mozambique who has to decide whether to breastfeed her baby (risking transmission) or bottle feed with contaminated waters (susceptible to much disease)

Displaced children in Haiti living on the streets

A mother who lost baby early on

RN Shortage

2010-03-02T15:45:00.003-07:00

When applying to nursing school the first thing they tell you is that there is a huge nursing shortage. However, what they forgot to mention is that the shortage does not pertain to new grad nurses who are still wet behind the ears. While there are many job postings, most of them specify in bold "cant accomodate new grads" or "experienced only". Oh if you think cutting corners and talking directly to a Director might change the view, think again because they will just NICELY tell you the same thing. I've been applying since November hoping my doula and work experience might set me apart from the masses, but reality hasnt proven that to be the case. So what is a new grad to do? You can either continue to wait on THEM to choose you, or you can be creative and get ya hustle on. My husband would probably laugh at the thought of me saying that, but I have great ideas just missing the forsight to put it to action. But this time I am gonna get it in some how some way...with prayer and guidance.

When Boredom Knocks

2010-02-28T21:50:00.001-07:00

My wake up song because it literally says it all...

India Arie
"Private Party"

[Chorus]
I'm having a private party
Ain't no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin' baby look how far we've come here
I'm havin' a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I've become, yeah

I tried to call my mother, but
She didn't get where I was going
I called my boyfriend and he said
Call me back a little later baby
I hung up the phone, I felt so alone
Started to feel a little pity
That's when I realized that I
Gotta find the joy inside of me

[Chorus]

I'm gonna take off all my clothes
Look at myself in the mirror
We're gonna have a conversation
We're gonna heal the disconnection
I don't remember when it started
But this is where it's gonna end
My body is beautiful and sacred
And I'm gonna celebrate it

[Chorus]

All my life (all my life)
I've been looking for (I've been looking for)
Somebody else (else)
To make me whole (ooo)
But I had to learn the hard way (ooo)
True love began with me (ooo)
This is not ego or vanity (ooo)
I'm just celebrating me

[Chorus]

Sometimes I'm alone but never lonely
That's what I've come to realize
I've learned to love the quiet moments
The Sunday mornings of life
Where I can reach deep down inside
Or out into the universe
I can laugh until I cry
Or I can cry away the hurt

[Chorus]

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday

Natural Iron Supplement

2010-02-26T14:13:00.001-07:00

Unlike most iron pills, Floradix does not cause constipation and is an all natural source. I highly recommend it for pregnant moms needing iron increased.

Iron Gate

2010-02-23T12:24:00.003-07:00

Many pregnant women battle the increasing need for iron and often gag at the thought of taking the ever constipating iron pills. I am a firm believer that the best way to get nutrients, especially iron, is to eat a WHOLE diet as a WAY OF LIFE. Sometimes we need a supplement to help. Black Strap molasses (BSM) is a great natural supplement, a byproduct of sugar. BSM is a great source of Iron (needed for energy), Calcium (bones, teeth, digestion), Potassium (heart and muscle function) and Vitamin B6. 2tsp a day is perfect! For all those pregnant mommas that love coffee, here is my substitute recipe:

BSM Mocha
2tsp BSM
Boiling water
Soymilk
honey/sugar to taste (optional)

Measure BSM into a coffee mug and fill the mug half way with boiling water and stir. Then fill the rest of the mug with soymilk and stir. Enjoy!

New Face of Presidency

2010-02-15T09:24:00.003-07:00

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We
are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

"Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition.
It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to
something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential."

"If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking,
eventually you'll make progress."

Mind of Matter

2010-02-14T08:41:00.003-07:00

Last night I had the weirdest dream, but it was so surreal at the same time. It felt so real that my subconscious didn't jump in to tell me while sleeping, "hey you already got past this." So what does it mean? why am I dreaming this? Here is the dream in a nutshell, so lets dissect.

In the dream I had already passed my final block of nursing school. I was
now at the application and NCLEX taking stage. I sent in my HUGE licensing
fees WITH A CHECK. One day while chilling with my mom at church :/ I see 3
of my former instructors enter the room with very disturbed and saddened looks on
their faces. Immediately I knew something was wrong. They pulled me
aside and said, "State says you cannot test/license because you are not allowed
to write a check from the same account" I was so puzzled by this, in shock
even! "What do you mean? What do they expect me to do? So now
what?" I began to cry immediately in disbelief and wonder. Why in the
world was this happening to me. The one African American instructor that I
had was pissed and doing everything she could to change the matter. In the
meantime, I went back to church :\ asking folks for direction on what to
do. I went back to my instructor and said surely there has to be a way?! I
will rebel against the system because this is bull---! Then I woke up when
I realized it really was just a dream because I already got my licensing
documents in hand and passed NCLEX.

For all you dream interpreters out there, what do you think this means?

Blackness is Good

2010-02-11T21:03:00.002-07:00

Im still one the fence about Black History month not only because its the shortest month in the year, but also because every day Black history is made and I live the life. However, there is no WAY that I can ignore the reason and struggle made to bring it into existence. The fact remains that schools refuse to teach children the REAL history, so WE as a community MUST step up. I always do projects with my children to make sure they are knowledgeable. This week I decided to teach my daughter about the great things that come from HBCU's. This event happened 2 years ago at one of my alma maters...THIS is just the tip of the iceburg for the kind of education you will get.

Black Love in the Midst

2010-02-09T18:38:00.004-07:00

This is where I aspire to be. I mean pictures really do speak a thousand words. There is nothing more sexy than growing wise with the man/woman the Creator sent to you. As this beautiful Black couple share an embrace, they look to Him for guidance, strength, unity, light, and love. Isn't that powerful?! Love like this don't always come around and in the midst of a society built on "if you cant love em, leave'em", "drop it like its hot", "blame it on the alcohol", or "when I get you to the crib" lines would we expect anything different?

Its Black History Month, but to me every day is filled with Black History. I choose to be a living example of what Black love should look like. It should be warm, embracing, cosy, respectful, "I got yo back", "you had me at hello", finish my sentence type of love. I'm on my way after 12 years of marriage but please believe I have a long way to go. I just pray that my still photo of marriage mimics this one.

How do you want your labor?

2010-01-31T20:36:00.003-07:00

This is a very interesting article that I stubbled across. Evidence-based practice is becoming a big phenomenon in healthcare, so where will hospitals stand now? This is just the summary, but the full article can be obtained from:

The Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2010 Issue 1

Singata M, Tranmer J, Gyte GML. Restricting oral fluid and food intake during labour. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2010, Issue 1. Art. No.: CD003930. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD003930.pub2

Eating and drinking in labour

In some cultures, food and drinks are
consumed during labour for nourishment and comfort to help meet the demands of
labour. However, in many birth settings, oral intake is restricted in response
to work by Mendelson in the 1940s. Mendelson reported that during general
anaesthesia, there was an increased risk of the stomach contents entering the
lungs. The acid nature of the stomach liquid and the presence of food particles
were particularly dangerous, and potentially could lead to severe lung disease
or death. Since the 1940s, obstetrical anaesthesia has changed considerably,
with better general anaesthetic techniques and a greater use of regional
anaesthesia. These advances, and the reports by women that they found the
restrictions unpleasant, have led to research looking at these restrictions. In
addition, poor nutritional balance may be associated with longer and more
painful labours, and fasting does not guarantee an empty stomach or less
acidity. This review looked at any restriction of fluids and food in labour
compared with women able to eat and drink. The review identified five studies
involving 3130 women. Most studies had looked at specific foods being
recommended, though one study let women to choose what they wished to eat and
drink. The review identified no benefits or harms of restricting foods and
fluids during labour in women at low risk of needing anaesthesia. There were no
studies identified on women at increased risk of needing anaesthesia. None of
the studies looked at women's views of restricting fluids and foods during
labour. Thus, given these findings, women should be free to eat and drink in
labour, or not, as they wish.

Mission RN: COMPLETE

2010-01-30T07:06:00.005-07:00

January 26, 2010 I officially became an RN: passing the NCLEX! As much as I stressed during nursing school for fear of not passing over and over again, I walked away from the exam feeling relieved, confident, and surprising not shook at all. I couldn't explain it all, but it felt damn good. I spend the day with my family: the girls and I put our feet in the jacuzzi in the beautiful sunshine and the hubby and I cuddled later that night (get ya mind out the gutter I mean that literally ;) I have spent the entire week basking in the excitement and the surreality of it all.

Now that nursing school is in my past, I have so much to look forward to in the near future. I have to admit my soul is extremely eager for many reasons. With the earthquake hitting Aiyti I immediately wanted to go there to help all the mommas and babies in need, but I think I let my fear hold me back. Its easy to use your family life as a reason you cant do something. But as I sit and meditate on it I realize that I do this a lot. It lets me put the blame on others instead of facing the reality that sometimes let fear of failure prevent me from being successful and make change.

I am a RN now and of course I only want to working in maternal/child health, but amazingly RN jobs are scarce for new grads ESPECIALLY specialties. Seeing the constant "EXPERIENCED" or "SORRY CANT ACCOMMODATE NEW GRADS RIGHT NOW" is more than frustrating when you have mouths to feed, children needing clothes to stay warm, and bills up the wazoo. I didn't become a nurse for the money, but a job would be very nice right about now. My aunt sent an amazing and simple response to my pessimistic approach to job hunting, "God has not brought u this far to leave you. He has a plan for u that's not based on the economy r your new grad status. you did your part so let Him do His and accept His timing." That knocked me right back into reality and its nothing but the truth! I am blessed to be home with my babies, cooking for them, reading books to them, hearing the stories about their day, watching them smile and laugh, seeing my 1yr old take her first strides in walking...all the things I was unable to do just 2months ago. So now I pray and wait on Yahweh...well at least reminding myself because the control freak in me is chompin at the bit.

Yahweh I am asking for the guidance of all the powerful and amazing women that came before me to help me be the best that I can be as a nurse: Mary Eliza Mahoney, Maya Angelou, Angela Davis, India Arie, my great great grandmother a midwife.

Helping is this Easy

2010-01-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

January 25, 2010
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Urgent Call for Human Milk Donations for Haiti Infants
Washington, DC--The Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA), United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC), International Lactation Consultant Association/United States Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA/USLCA), and La Leche League International (LLLI) are jointly issuing an urgent call for human milk donations for premature infants in Haiti, as well as sick and premature infants in the United States.

This week the first shipment of human milk from mothers in the United States will be shipped to the U.S. Navy ship Comfort stationed outside Haiti. Comfort is currently set up with a neonatal intensive care unit and medical personnel to provide urgent care to victims of the earthquake. An International Board Certified Lactation Consultant stationed at the U.S. Navy base in Bethesda, MD is assisting with providing breast pump equipment and supplies to Comfort. Dr. Erika Beard-Irvine, pediatric neonatologist, is on board to coordinate distribution of the milk to infants in need. HMBANA, USBC, ILCA/USLCA, and LLLI are responding to requests to provide milk for both premature infants and at-risk mothers who have recently delivered babies on board the USNS Comfort, but an urgent need exists for additional donations.
At the current time, the infrastructure to deliver human milk to Haiti infants on land has not yet been established. As soon as that infrastructure is in place, additional donations will be provided to older infants.
Mothers who are willing to donate human milk should contact their regional Mothers' Milk Bank of HMBANA. A list of regional milk banks is available on the HMBANA Web site at (www.hmbana.org/index/locations).
Currently milk banks are already low on donor milk. New milk donations will be used for Haiti victims as well as to replenish donor supplies to continue to serve sick and premature infants in the United States. Donor milk provides unique protection for fragile preterm infants. Financial donations are also strongly encouraged to allow HMBANA, a nonprofit organization, to continue serving infants in need.
UNICEF, the World Health Organization, the Emergency Nutrition Network, and medical professionals all recommend that breastfeeding and human milk be used for infants in disasters or emergencies. Human milk is life-saving due to its disease prevention properties. It is safe, clean, and does not depend on water which is often unavailable or contaminated in an emergency. Relief workers, health care providers, and other volunteers are urged to provide support for breastfeeding mothers to enable them to continue breastfeeding, and to assist pregnant and postpartum women in initiating and sustaining breastfeeding.
For more information, contact HMBANA at 408-998-4550 (www.hmbana.org). Additional information can be provided from the United States Breastfeeding Committee at 202-367-1132 (www.usbreastfeeding.org), ILCA/USLCA at 800-452-2478 (www.ilca.org or www.uslca.org), or La Leche League at 847-519-7730 (www.llli.org).
The USBC is an organization of organizations. Opinions expressed by USBC are not necessarily the position of all member organizations and opinions expressed by USBC member organization representatives are not necessarily the position of USBC.
United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC)
The United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) is an independent nonprofit coalition of 41 nationally influential professional, educational, and governmental organizations. Representing over half a million concerned professionals and the families they serve, USBC and its member organizations share a common mission to improve the Nation's health by working collaboratively to protect, promote, and support breastfeeding. For more information about USBC, visit www.usbreastfeeding.org.

United States Breastfeeding Committee
2025 M Street, NW, Suite 800
Washington, DC 20036
Phone: 202/367-1132
Fax: 202/367-2132
E-mail: office@usbreastfeeding.org
Web: www.usbreastfeeding.org

Haiti Needs You

2010-01-21T12:59:00.002-07:00

My amazing midwife blogged about this opportunity and as much as I would love to do this, I can't right now in my life. So, I am sharing this with the world hoping someone else can.